Showing posts with label Society and Culture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Society and Culture. Show all posts

Monday, February 20, 2017

Life In The Upside-Down

Three months ago, I had a shunt surgically placed in my head, to alleviate swelling due to a spinal fluid leak. I woke up in the upside-down, and now nothing feels right anymore.

The world feels like it's on a collision course with madness, and no matter how much I try to smile and laugh it off, there is a heavy sense of nihilistic discontent within me. People say the world hasn't changed, we just see it more clearly in this time of instant communication, news, and technology. But I don't know about that, because it seems pretty different to me than it did even just a few years ago.

If you do any research into the Mandela Effect you'll find a lot of crackpot conspiracies and lunacy. But there are some historical inaccuracies that I cannot overlook, and which wrinkle my water-logged brain. I remember vividly growing up watching video of the JFK assassination. There were never six people in that car. It was not a six seater. But somehow every video online now shows footage that is in direct competition with my memory.

Something happened to this world. Whether it was a CERN related dimensional shift, or a simple shift in personal values; humanity seems to be in big trouble. And I don't rightly see a solution or a way out.

Celebrity dominates the media, and now politics. Outright lies are laughed off, memes are made, twitter wars are waged, but nothing changes. Nothing is accomplished. The rich get richer, while the rest of us sit here confounded wondering "what happened???"

I can't help but wonder if in some alternate reality there is a girl watching our life on TV, thinking to herself "wow that shows pretty messed up!" Because life feels like reality TV now; everyone is posturing all the time, manners have all but evaporated, the bottom line is everyone's bottom line, and everybody has an ulterior motive.

It is getting more difficult for me to cope with my depression and anxiety disorder in this crazy reality we are living in. I mean, a bigoted billionaire reality TV star is leader of the free world. And Russia may be blackmailing him with embarrassing images of him engaging in golden showers with Russian hookers. How the hell am I supposed to feel anything remotely like faith in the human race?

I hope one day soon I will wake up in the hospital, and find out this was all just one big brain-swell dream. It's still pre-election November, my surgery was a success, and I had one hell of a trippy nightmare!

Joking aside, this has to be a difficult time for anyone who is living with mental illness.  I don't see my depression improving anytime soon.

So for now I will just keep reaching out to others, to you, and hope that we find our way back to kindness, compassion, and sanity.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Victim Mentality? Empowerment Through Self-Awareness

It can be very difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they have a victim mentality; facing this fact means you have to admit you are rather accustomed to feeling self pity, as well as placing blame outside of yourself regularly. These are hard admissions to make, let alone try to understand. Yet every person I've met who has made this leap from victim to self-aware has benefited in so many ways, and has ultimately become a happier and more balanced person.

Signs of Victim Mentality

  • Feelings of being victimized by others, life being unfair, being treated harshly for unknown reasons.
  • Lack of power to change ones circumstances, even if those changes seem rational to others.
  • Misplaced anger directed towards family or friends who "don't understand" or "never will!"
  • Feelings of isolation, being misunderstood, alienated, shunned, betrayed by loved ones or the world.
  • Inability to put ones self into a position of accountability for the way ones life is.
Victims are not born, they are made; it is usually through upbringing that a person becomes a victim. When a person is taught by those around them that they have no power, and learn by example of their parents and care givers that life is unfair and it isn't their fault, it is simply a matter of transferring those feelings of victimization to young people. 

It is so detrimental to adopt this type of mentality however, as a young person with a victim identity grows into an adult who cannot see their own part in their unhappiness, drama, or life experiences. A lack of accountability will ultimately lead to a dynamic disconnect between rational thinking, and hyper-reactive blame gaming.

The Simplest Ways to Achieve Personal Empowerment

  1. Drop any "us vs. them" thinking, begin to see yourself as equal to all other people, equally worthy of love and good treatment, and equally capable of being erroneous, making mistakes, and screwing up. We are all human, we are all created equally, we are all equally responsible for ourselves.
  2. Start to make small changes in your every day life to enforce a sense of power to yourself, do things which give you a sense of responsibility, become accountable to yourself. Face small fears first, to enforce to yourself that you CAN. Then begin to truly believe this is true, because you CAN.
  3. Investigate your feelings - get to know how you feel and why you feel it. This is the beginnings of self-awareness, which is the most rewarding gift you can give yourself as a sentient being. Understanding why we feel the way we feel, where those feelings originate in our childhood, why we operate the way we do is so rewarding, as well as illuminating. It frees us to step outside of our conditioning, and be more than we previously thought we were.
  4. Realize it is okay to feel hurt, used, abused, neglected, betrayed etc. But it is not okay to languish in those feelings, or pull up a chair and live there. Nor is it okay to invite further abuse into your life simply because you've endured it already. And it is faulty logic to assume everyone else in the world is going to mistreat you too. 
  5. Let go of the need to place blame, in any and all situations; blame is pointless. Instead, focus upon your actions, your reactions, your feelings, and work towards the knowledge that you are human, its okay to mess up, so long as you learn from your mistakes and move forward in life.
It is my life's passion to share what I know about Awakening to Self-Awareness for one simple reason: I have been, and am, where you are as well. We teach what we've learned, and it took me the better part of four decades to truly begin to really grasp what true self-aware accountability truly is.

For the first half of my life I was a master manipulator, a weaver of grand stories, a long distance runner and avoider of truths and responsibilities, and a victim of the highest order.

Now I am still as human as I ever was; however I have learned that through my humanity and often frail understanding of the world, that I can often jump to conclusions, act before thinking, and let my ego get the better of me, so I make it my daily and deepest duty to myself to think, slow down and truly think before speaking or acting, to better understand situations, people, and myself. I examine my part in things, and hold myself responsible for the things I have done and said, witting or unwittingly. 

It is through self-aware understanding of who we are that we become capable of screwing up in life without feeling guilty, making mistakes without feeling like we have to run away or build alibis, or point the finger of blame when "bad things" happen to us. Life isn't fair or unfair, it is simply consistently chaotic, as this is the nature of the Universe. And it is constantly responding to our feelings, and what we are exuding vibrationally. If you are sending out victim vibrations the Universe will very unbiasedly send you more of what you're putting out. So you owe it to yourself to begin to explore and experiment with the vibrations of being in charge of yourself, so that the Universe can adjust it's output settings towards you.

When you shift the way you feel, and behave, the Universe will shift naturally in turn, and your reality will change as a result. And this is the nature of life within the confines of polarity within our Galaxy.

So as a favor to yourself, and to the planet by extension (because a happy you sends out ripples of happiness to the Earth) you owe it to yourself to:

  • Get to know yourself - deeply. 
  • Be honest with yourself about who you are, and how you feel, and accept yourself completely.
  • Realize that the Universe loves you as much as you love yourself - become responsible for intensifying that Love by loving yourself more profoundly.
  • Let go your attachments to drama, polarity, and self-pity. The best attention you can receive is your own positive honest aware attention.
Wishing you empowerment and sovereignty in each moment forward.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Awakening & Depression: Deep Feelings Can Drain You

A lovely woman I barely know is falling apart right now in her life, due to depression, and I feel helpless, as I know what it's like, I have depression too. I tried to reach out to her through Facebook and managed to get into an argument with women on her friends list who were spouting the usual Susie Sunshine B.S. "it's mind over matter" and "tomorrow is a new day!"

That kind of tripe just rankles my nerves. After a solid 30+ years of hearing it from everyone and their uncle I can say with a fair degree of certainty that putting a goofy smile on my face and thinking about babies cavorting in swimming pools isn't going to right the chemical imbalance going on in my brain and body.

So many people just don't get depression, and instead of taking a moment to try to enlighten I rather snapped and flung some mud right along with them. Stupidity and internet use are not always fair companions late at night.

That being said, I do feel like depression is one of those last taboo things we don't really talk about. I mean we are all tongue in cheek support and love when a celebrity like Robin Williams kills himself, and for a while there is an outpouring of posts about mental illness, and for a moment you don't feel so isolated. But at the end of the day, depression is one of those pesky conditions that really can only be felt from the inside of the one who has it. We all have differing degrees of depression, triggers, cycles, and biochemical rhythms. There is no cookie cutter mold for what a depressed person looks or sounds like.

We come in all shapes, sizes, and walks of life.

As I go through my personal journey of self awareness and awakening, my depression seems to come in greater fits and starts. I can go longer between bad bouts, but when it hits I feel like crawling into a deep dark cave somewhere and just sleeping for a decade or three. I understand that there is no shame in having mental illness. My life experiences in childhood are what caused me to develop PTSD, panic, depression and the like. I no longer live in the environment that caused these parts of me to develop fear impulses far exceeding the norm, yet my fight or flee impulses are mad sometimes.

What I am finding more and more is that the closer I come to accepting myself fully and wholly for who I am, schisms and all, the deeper my insight into myself goes. And it's a little frightening to be honest.

I try to be very honest with myself, about my ego, my agendas in life, my drama, how I create my reality. I am very hard on myself much of the time, expecting more of myself than I would any other human. And I work damn hard at maintaining a level of receptive open mindedness about who I am, as I really truly desire to free myself of all the false persona bullsh*t that keeps human beings mired in their own muck.

But the deeper I go, the crazier I feel I am... I begin to understand myself on levels previously unexplored, and then I see myself in a whole new light, and it feels like I've been exposed for all the world to see, naked, and the shock and shame fairly bowl me over. I feel like I could spend the rest of my life living in shame of things I did so long ago... simply because I can't quite figure out how to just forgive and let it go.

Part of PTSD is that it is almost impossible to let go... I can go through a deeply moving and meaningful healing exercise, end up having a cathartic release, and feel liberated, only to later down the road have a panic attack where it all wells up again quite unexpectedly. And with PTSD it's all in the moment, now, current, there is no expiration date on shock and sorrow.

So I'm at a cross roads in my journey right now. I have been for quite a while. I tried to deny it at first, unwittingly, but as I'm always digging deeper trying to be authentic, it became clear to me I was trying to hold on to a previous image of myself, for fear of feeling lost. So I have let that previous image go; completely. My whole existence was wrapped up there for a good 10-15 years, on being Dee the Spiritual coach and reader, healer, and guide. I loved it, I learned so much from my clients, my connections, my journey. But I hit a dead end a while back. A long while back. And instead of turning around, I stayed there, in confusion. For a couple of years.

So finally I have just decided to be Dee the woman. An empty canvass. See what bubbles up from within. And I'm waiting for inspiration, or some sign, or meditative epiphany.

And then I wonder "is this a midlife crisis?"

I vow no matter who or what I become or mutate into or away from, to continue to keep working on awakening to the truths in this world. We have been living in an imposed dreamscape/nightmare for decades in North America, and every fiber within my being says the world is in need of awake and alert people at this time, to help begin to instill changes into all our systems of governance, finance, military, health, education and every other conceivable level of society and culture. And to do that we have to be able to look into the mirror and recognize who we are, and who we're not.

But it's a painful process sometimes. Exposure to the darker side of our world can be scary, and when you realize we really don't have any true liberties it's downright horrifying.

But that's what this journey is about; waking up to the truth of who we Are, not who we've been programmed to be, so that we can find our sovereignty, and let that core spark of peace and light within each of us bond us together in unity as we begin to rebuild what is so quickly and forcefully being torn down around us.

In order for things to change, they have to fall apart first. And that's not always going to feel great.

So if you`re depressed, or anxious, or scared or angry, please know you`re not alone. We are gathering in greater numbers. Conspiracy theories be damned; this is about our lives, our childrens` futures, the planet itself, life, and nature.

So stick around. I`m going to start writing here again, as it just feels like the right time to do so. And I promise to throw in some useful soul food along the way to help us all ease into these shifts as they happen at increasing rapid fire speed.

Just keep breathing - in and out - in this moment. We`re in this together.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

6 Things Peaceful People Know & Do

In our consumer driven world, the bottom line is far more important to most people than anything else; profit over passion, fortune over family, money over meaningful relationships.

There are so many ways this world drives us in the wrong direction, one of the most powerful being in convincing us of how powerless we are, and causing us to believe deeply that we can not heal ourselves, or rise above our baser instincts on our own.

A person with depression or PTSD is put into therapy, where they are told they will require weekly sessions in order to try to rise above the sadness, fear, confusion and isolation they are dealing with. We are basically conditioned from childhood to believe that change is hard, takes a long time, and happiness is something we have to work very hard to achieve. Yet talking about the past, our problems, our fears and limitations and sorrow only keeps us locked within them. I have depression, panic disorder and PTSD, and for many years I too believed I needed to keep "talking it out" in order to be "free" from my pain. This only kept me locked in the past, in the pain, abuse, struggle and turmoil. It was when I took a journey of self-aware exploration of my Spirit, and truth, that I was liberated from that never-ending cycle of confusion.

We do not need to dwell in the past to escape it; this is just another fallacy we are fed in order to become complacent, which makes humanity easier to lead. The powers that be prefer us sad, lonely, and addicted to quick fixes that are profitable to the corporate giants out there.

It is possible to obviate all of the quick fixes however, and the therapy sessions, and the years and years of trying to be a happier healthier person...

There is only one requirement of you to achieve total happiness, peace, contentment, acceptance, forgiveness, and serenity in this moment; you must believe it is possible. If you doubt your own ability to reach greater levels of self-awareness, objectivity, observational clarity, then you will remain a victim of societal constructs and limitations.

And the basis for any Spiritual Awakening is realizing that truth does not come from anywhere outside of ourselves; we are a microcosmic representation of the macrocosm of God/Universe/Creator/All/Oneness. As such, we do have the power within us to change everything, in an instant!

Here are 6 things you can do to shed the yoke of illusion and claim your sovereignty & Peace!

    1. Know you don't have to keep trying. To try is to exert a force against something which doesn't yet exist. Trying is reaching, crawling, clawing, and denotes an incredible effort. This isn't necessary, as you can simply DO. You do not have to try to be happy - simply be happy. You don't have to try to be present and grounded - be present and grounded. The notion that everything worth feeling and being is hard work is faulty logic; peace is present within each breath you take, in each moment, and simply requires you to change your present way of thinking. How long does it take you to change your mind? A dear family member said to me last night "I need to get closure", to which I responded "you have it - stop trying to "get" it..." Closure is a concept, one we think we need to work at to achieve, when the truth is we simply need to "close" that chapter. So close it! Stop trying to be happy - be happy.
    2. Be ever present in this moment. The happiest and most aware people know that the only truth to live in is in this moment right now! The past is gone, there is no bringing it back, and no amount of dwelling in it will change that. In fact, the more time you spend in the past, the unhappier you will be, simply because it's robbing you of this moment right now. The future is a vast blank canvas which is painted by the actions, thoughts, words, and feelings you are having right now. If you are busy dwelling in the past, or worrying about the future, you are being robbed of what's happening in the present, and the canvas of your future will be muddled by confused notions of "then" and "when" instead of this gift called the present. 
    3. Have faith in yourself - you have everything you need within you already to be peaceful, present, and joyful. Nobody needs to go to workshops, seminars, therapy sessions, gurus, readers, or psychics in order to be happy! I'm a reader, and lead workshops and lessons, and this is done to assist and augment what you are experiencing, but it is not done to give you anything you don't already have within you. You were born perfect, no matter what your body looks like, or your psychological condition; you are a reflection of the universes infinite nature, and the only thing that stands between you and peace is your mind. In each moment there is a peaceful potential within you; quiet your mind and feel that. Know that you are strong enough, good enough, smart enough; you are enough. There will always be challenges in life, people will let you down, circumstances will bring crisis and chaos into your life, and yet how you react determines how you feel. Don't be robbed of your joy by external experiences, people, circumstances; know you have everything you need to persevere, so meet each new challenge with faith, calm, and then let them go when they are done.
    4. See the Illusion in the world around you. Our world is a result of the actions of those who came before us; society is built upon many illusions, ranging from politics, military, pharmaceutical corporations, commerce, technology etc. Any slight change in the actions of our forefathers would have resulted in a difference in the way we live now. Who decided we needed presidents? Who decided we needed religion? Who decided we needed to work a 40 hour week, only deserve two weeks vacation a year, have to be married to have children, have to be straight, republican, educated etc in order to "fit in". The 'American Dream' is an illusion, and more and more people are realizing this right now. When you see our world as an illusion, you free yourself to create a new vision for yourself
    5. Choose positivity in each thought, moment, and experience. The way you think, feel, respond, react, and behave determines how you will feel in each new moment. If you are stuck in a pattern of negative thinking simply change your mind - choose positivity. The only "right" and "wrong" are in your perception. Some people were brought up to believe one thing is right, while others are taught to see that thing as wrong. It's part of the illusion in step 4 - and it isn't real unless you decide it is. The happiest spiritually evolved people know that each new experience in life, no matter if it is "negative" or "positive" is an opportunity to express joy, to overcome conditioning, and to learn and grow. When something challenging arises, instead of falling into fearful modes of thinking, simply realize that into each life a little rain must fall, and then move through it with faith, in the Universe, and in yourself, knowing that there is a lesson present which you don't have to understand! You can simply choose to believe that everything happens for a reason, that reason doesn't have to be black and white, and you can simply be at peace no matter what is happening around you or in your world.
    6. Know your words have power, then change the way you speak. We get stuck in patterns of thinking, which then affects how we speak. Our words have vibrational creative power, and when we get into the habit of speaking negatively, we draw negative experiences into our life. Watch your words, observe how you speak, then change it. Listen to the way you represent yourself to the world. If you observe a lot of negativity, simply and mindfully change the way you speak. Drop self-effacement, forced humility, or comic relief, and be an authentic and true person - speak the truth within you - if that truth is negative, then review the first five steps above, and then change the way you speak. Do not be limited by your statements; "I'm not a very good..." or "I hate it when..." or "I can't handle this..." are examples of constricted statements we make. Let your words ring with positivity, to build up yourself, and those around you. Remember - if you have nothing positive to say, don't say anything at all.
There will always be something to fear, to despise, to abhor; so long as there are human beings in the world, there will be evil in the world. And yet we do not need to be a part of it, nor do we need to be victims to drama, trauma, or strife. Learn to meditatively breathe; free your mind by oxygenating it! The more oxygen your brain cells receive, the more simplicity you will experience, as a brain which is oxygenated is free to fire its synapses in healthy patterns. 

Drop the struggle; it is unnecessary, and requires you to believe you are less than you are. You are free, in each and every moment, to choose a new thought, literally changing your mind. If your mind is bringing you pain, fear, anger, or resentment, then simply change it. It isn't difficult! If someone has hurt you, rather than holding that pain inside of yourself, forgive them (for your sake, forgiveness is not about the person you're forgiving, but rather about freeing yourself of the experience) and know that you don't have to understand their process as it is theirs. Your process no longer has to be about complicated patterns of healing and growth; the lies society tells us about what it takes to be a happy person are simply outmoded, outdated, and no longer applicable in our reality.

You are free to change your mind, each moment, of every day, and choose peace. And when you slip back into victim mode, simply change your mind again. And again and again. And soon you will find you don't need to try to change your mind, as it eventually becomes accustomed to choosing the highest thought, the most positive expressions of peace. In order to be at peace - practice being at peace, and eventually it won't require practice! And the best news is, it is so much easier to live a peaceful and happy life than it is to be miserable, fearful, pessimistic, and angry. It requires so much negative effort to live within the confines of the illusion - so step out of it and be free to be the purest joy and most simplistic version of yourself!

I wish you clarity, and the willingness to empower yourself in this moment!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Making Every Day Valentine's Day!

Valentine's day is just a few days away, and has me thinking of love. While I tend to look at Valentine's day as more of a corporate creation to encourage people to spend money on cards, flowers, candy etc, I sure do think it's great that we have dedicated an entire day globally to love.

Maybe love is fantastic enough to warrant more than one day though?

When you love someone in the beginning, it's all butterflies and anticipation, remember how it feels to be falling into love with someone for the first time? You find yourself drift off to think of them mid-day, and your face heats up with blood as you blush remembering how it feels to be with them. The first kiss sends your heart sky-rocketing, and you fly on the chemicals your body produces when it's falling in love.

When you share your life with that love for a few years, the passion can wane, as responsibilities take the fore-front. Soon you're passing each other in the hall, hurridly saying "i love you too" before hanging up the phone to deal with your next daily errand or task. In the beginning our minds are almost always with our new love, and yet after a few years of shared life we can begin to take one another for granted.

It's human, every couple I've known who has been together for more than a few years tends to fall into the same category, and after a decade or so you find yourself trying to remember just when was the last time you both engaged in spontaneous love making without planning ahead to have a sitter, and a night out. Like two ships that pass in the night, often times long-time committed relationships can start to feel like room-mate relationships more often than not.

My husband and I will celebrate our 8th year wedding anniversary in May, and have been together nearly 13 years now. We have been through some astounding ups, and extremely trying downs together. He is honestly the best friend I could possibly ask for, and while we've gone through rough patches, there is no one else on Earth I would ever want to share my body, mind, and spirit with. But after all these years we can fall into the same rut so many of you do, we have a child, responsibilities, bills, commitments, it's not often either of us put our relationship first. And that's just a little sad, don't you think? I know we're not unique, most of my peers are in the same boat. No matter if you're in a traditional relationship or not, when two people share their lives for any number of years, the bloom can fall off the rose before you even know it, and eventually you find yourselves mastering everything from carpooling, to financial planning, cooking, cleaning, and raising kids, but there is one way you just can't seem to click together anymore: romance.

Love is the most fantastic thing there IS - in all the universe. Nothing tops love, whether it be the love you feel for your child, or the love your pets show you, or the love you share with your friends; love pretty much rules existence! But the love you have shared with your life partner, your husband or wife, or girlfriend or boyfriend, it's just even more amazing, because it's intimate, and it's time-tested. This is the one person in the world who has seen you at your absolute worst, and still shows up every day!

My husband has seen me cry so hard my nose runs, has heard me laugh so violently I farted! He has seen me gain and lose weight like a yoyo, and has endured my seemingly non-ending self-consciousness about it, yet he has never once made me feel I wasn't beautiful to him. He has let me sleep and cared for our daughter when I was exhausted, and vice versa. Who else on Earth could watch you eat an entire bag of chips, or bawl watching a tv program, or rant and rave after having an argument with a parent, and still love you unconditionally?

Try to make time for your significant other this weekend, and then, ever day after that. My husband and I came close to calling it quits a couple of years ago; we'd been through a storm so rough it's hard to describe. We made it through it though, and now the love is even deeper, the friendship even more poignant, the relationship even more nourishing. And we make an effort to put each others needs first. This has made so much difference in our home, and in our lives. So I dedicate this post to my husband Eric, and to your partner as well, because whether we realize it or not, these people are important aspects of our spiritual journeys as well.

My husband is an agnostic, and though much of what I do fascinates him, and he can't quite explain how his wife knows what she knows, he has his own beliefs, and we allow each other the room to be who we each are in relation to the Universe, God, and personal beliefs. He has stood by me during my dark nights of the soul, and stands by me cheering when I reach new revelations, and experience moments of spiritual epiphany. He provides me with a mirror by which to observe my own behavior, negative or positive, and for this I love him so deeply. He has accepted me on every level, and this has given me the freedom to truly be who I am in every moment, without reservation or doubt.

I remember the first time I tried to get him to meditate with me, and as we sat under the full moon in our back yard, I fell deeper in love with him because it was so clear he was doing it just to make me happy. Spirituality isn't his objective in this life, and I honor that, just as he honors it is what drives me. Think about how your partner has supported your spiritual journey. If you have found someone who inspires you to be your best you, know that this is worth it's weight in gold. Being with someone who allows you to be yourself is such a liberating experience to have.

So honor your loved ones, all of them, and yet take a moment to reflect on your special sweetie, and take a mental walk down memory lane now. Remember the first time you laid eyes on them, your first date, your first kiss. Remember all of your firsts between way back then, and now, and then get off your computer, or tablet, or phone, and go give them a kiss. And if they aren't in the vicinity, send them an email or a text message, out of the blue, expressing just how special they are to you.

And then do this again tomorrow, and the next day. And make Valentine's day an every day affair, that doesn't require jewelry or gifts, or fancy restaurants or trips. Because we don't have to spend money to express our love and gratitude to our spouses and partners. In fact, some of the most profound gifts my guy has given me have been gifts of words, understanding, eye contact, and other unspoken, unplanned things. When I wake up and there is magically a coffee ready for me to drink, or the car has been cleaned of snow before I go out, or inexplicably laundry ends up clean in my room... this is so much more meaningful to me than any greeting card could ever be.

Happy Valentines week to you all, now do yourself a favor, log off the interworld, and go pounce on your special one and enjoy some magic. And if the kids interrupt two minutes later, that's okay, go tend to them, knowing you get to live every day of your life with your best friend, you're most important person, your souls companion. And that's pretty blessed.

And if this Valentines day you're stag and still haven't met that special one, don't give up hope, and yet don't focus all your energy into wanting a relationship. Because when you improve your relationship with yourself, through self-awareness, meditation, and consciously attempting to know yourself and better your self in every way, the Universe invariably sends you exactly what you put forth. I believe we have more than one special one in each life, and your next one could be waiting for you. So put yourself out there, go out, be available, and let the Universe know you're ready to share your life with another! And if you're not, that's fantastic too - love yourself. Love yourself because you are wonderful, in every single way!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a man to go hug and kiss.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Do NOT Accept or Tolerate: RACISM

When my family tuned into the news a week ago, and watched the rioting begin to escalate in Ferguson Missouri, we were awe struck at the sheer audacity of the entire situation. The verdict was given during the day, and yet for some unknown reason the powers that be opted to wait to announce that Michael Browns murderer would walk free of all charges at 9pm at night EST.

Two days before the verdict was given, the armed forces were called in, and a full riot squad stood outside the courthouse for upwards of 48 hours in anticipation.

Why? Have you stopped to ask yourself this? The authorities, state, military and police all knew the threat of emotional reaction, and further rioting were a reality should Officer Darren Wilson not be indicted on charges of murder. They were aware enough to have the national guard standing guard, aware enough to have riot gear, tanks, tear gas, and dozens of officers at the ready. And yet, for whatever preposterous reason, the verdict was not given until the sun had set on Ferguson. Had they announced it earlier that day, or waited until the following morning, it may have been much easier to quell riots by the light of day. It was as if the authorities were preparing for a full out riot, willingly, if not encouraging it outright.

If that was the case, why? The only answer one can possibly surmise is that any bad press against the black residents of Ferguson would serve to take the focus off of the verdict itself, and place the worlds focus on the very people mourning the death of the 18 year old man, instead of the outrageous reality that his killer was walking free.

I watched as the atmosphere on social media began to get very stormy, and was disgusted at the sheer number of racist tweets being broadcast as a result. I have always known racism is alive and well in North America, but it didn't fully hit me until I saw just how disgustingly ignorant people can be when it comes to skin color. Many of these people asked twitter "why do you people have to make it about race?" when the reality is the entire incident was entirely about race. Had Michael Brown been a Caucasian man, would he still be alive? We have no way to truly know, but there is enough speculation worldwide based on real numerical statistics coming out of Ferguson, Missouri, and the United States, to indicate that when faced with shooting a suspect or criminal, police are much more inclined to shoot first, and ask questions later when the perpetrator is a black male. Of course it was about race, as the black community in Ferguson became outraged at the unnecessary death of a young 18 year old man over a liquor store theft.

Further shocking to me, was the amount of tweets coming from twitter, indeed still being circulated, stating that "you commit a crime, you deserve to get shot". Again, had the perpetrator been a white male I don't think those people would be as quick to condemn.

It galls to know that in 2014 racism is not only still thriving in North America, but that it is still denied, lied about, and taught to our young. Political correctness is the worse thing we have undertaken as a civilized society globally, teaching us to turn our insults into veiled tongue in cheek jibes. As long as you word something the right way, all bets are off. We are taught to be "tolerant" or "accepting" and that truly pisses me off in ways I cannot describe and maintain any modicum of decor. If we don't trust or like someone because their skin is brown, and brown people are historically prone to violence, or drugs, or gang activity, or terrorism, or WHATEVER - then we must learn to accept them and tolerate them?

Give me a break!

I am very much against social tolerance and acceptance, it is an insidious lie, perpetrated by politicians, who know how to say all the wrong things in all the right ways. Since when do we let politicians dictate our moral compass, or expound upon the proper way to communicate? Politicians are by and large paid to be very savvy liars. Politicians have made billions off of the campaigning between Republicans and Democrats in the USA, and there is no middle ground anymore. You have a country of hundreds of millions of people who are either left, or right, and nary the twain shall agree or meet. It is disgusting - entire beliefs, ideals, morals, and behaviors are split down the middle, until neighbors no longer get along due to political differences.

When did live and let live become a part of our historical rear window view?

I do not tolerate black people. I do not accept Iraqi's. I will never TRY to accept or tolerate anyone. Who the hell am I to look down on someone, anyone, in the long run? I do try to walk a mile, use my empathy, and understand people who are different from me. Those differences are not skin deep, and are very much based on behavior and attitude. If you are cruel, bigoted, violent, or crass chances are I'm not going to trust you very much. I may even "write you off" if you're in the extreme. However I will most certainly try to see you in a bigger way, remembering you are someones child, someones love, someones parent, someones friend. Your skin color doesn't mean anything to me. And it shouldn't to anyone else.

I'm sick to death of racism, and racists. I know quite a few racist people, all of them are white. All of them have no higher than a high school education. All of them tend to be closed minded, if not somewhat selfish, lacking in culture or class, and for the most part, they are ignorant by nature. This isn't to say they aren't nice people. Some of them are my friends. But they know if they are going to make racist comments within my earshot they are going to have to back those comments up with facts, statistics, knowledge. None of them ever can. It usually boils down to "i used to live _____ and there were so many _____ there and all they ever did was ______."

Generalized bullshit based on smallworld experiences that equal nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I urge, encourage, and challenge you to stop accepting or tolerating other people. It is the most detrimental thing we can learn, or teach our children. I don't want you to be tolerant of black people, Muslims, homosexuals, transgenders, Catholics, Atheists, Mentally challenged people... etc etc etc. Do not be tolerant of people who are different than you; do not be accepting of them. Be HUMAN WITH them. Because there is NO difference between you, and any other single solitary human being on this planet.

We are all born the same way, we all have parents, family, we all go to school and are indoctrinated by our culture to become the people we become. We are taught to value this, and reject that, we are expected to live in accordance with the society and culture we are born into. And whether that culture is Islamic, or gangs, or religious cults, or wealthy snobby country club members, or tropical islanders... we are all people. We all love, and are loved, we all have our own personal challenges, skeletons in our closets, bad habits, fears, and insecurities.

And if you're judging anyone else based on your view of how they live, I suggest you take a good long hard look in the mirror, because you must have been raised by some very ignorant people, and you'll want to get a little mind expanding knowledge into your life, lest you become just another played out stereotype.

No, do not accept or tolerate anyone, acceptance is best used to deal with life experiences. I am overweight, it is an insecurity, yet I accept myself as I am. THAT is what acceptance is for - to learn to live with something that otherwise brings you down. Tolerance should only apply to things like food, drink; I don't tolerate wine very well, it gives me a headache. I have a low tolerance for ignorant people. I have a high pain tolerance.

The only way to break the cycle of racism in North America is to be honest and open about it. What is going on in Ferguson, and in other States as people protest the verdict, and the murder of Michael Brown is a huge step towards shining a light on a problem that is NOT GOING AWAY. It is only through making it very clear to every single person possible that racism is a problem, one that needs dealing with, that we will begin to actually teach people to stop being so closed minded, ignorant, foolish, judgmental, and ill mannered.

I applaud anyone peacefully protesting. I understand those who got violent, and the frustration and anger and fear that caused them to go to extremes. I cannot even imagine what it must be like to be a second class citizen. I was born white in Canada, my life hasn't had a lot of hardship or struggle. But I will openly and honestly say that yes - I see the struggle people of different races are undertaking, and whether you're Asian, Hispanic, Black, Indian... there are all these stupid political correct platitudes "my" people use to put you down, and make it seem cute. It's everywhere on tv, in the media, the stereotypes, the generalizations.

So I am making my stand, here and now. My line in the sand is drawn. I will not tolerate or accept your racism North America. I will stand up to it every time it rears it's ugly poorly educated head.

And I urge all free thinking Spiritualists to do the same. We cannot attain global unity until we do away with these harmful divides we have built up between ourselves. Those divides have become mile high walls. And it's time to knock them the @#^& down!

Friday, October 31, 2014

Loving & Accepting Negative People

Why is it that some days we are so patient, and able to weather anything that comes our way, and then other days it just seems like every thing people say is like nails on a chalkboard... we're just irritable for no understandable reason?

The short answer is self-awareness: when you are less aware of who you are, how you're behaving, and what you're about in the moment, it's easy to slip into a narrow scope of mind, and become fixated on feeling crappy.

The old cliché tells us not only to not sweat the small stuff, but also reminds that in the end it's all small stuff. And this is honestly true of life friends; there is really nothing so huge or horrible that requires our anger, snarkiness, or panties to get all bunched up. But we forget this from time to time, and our skin seems so thin we can barely tolerate our loved ones.

We all have bad days, we're human and it's natural to experience moments of utter agitation. But it's so important to realize and know that when you're in that frame of mind you are only hurting yourself. You're wasting your precious time dwelling on bad feelings, negative mindsets, and pointless judgment.

What About Chronic Pessimists?

We all know people who seem to be addicted to negativity, confrontation, argument, judgment, and know how exhausting it can be to try to meet these people with any amount of positive thought or happiness. Yet we all owe it to ourselves and our fellow humans to try to be part of the solution, as opposed to the problem. If you have a chronic negative thinker in your life and find it drags you down, or stresses you out, then it's time to do some deep soul searching. Some new age rhetoric schools of thought would have you think that these people need to be left behind, ignored, phased out of your life, because they will only bring you down. This is new age escapism at best, judgmental on a spiritual level, and accomplishes nothing. If you remove negative people from your life, you'll end up alone, because again, it is human to feel crappy at times!

I think instead of putting negative people out of your life, it's more productive to try to meet them in a middle ground, where you can be empathetic, supportive, and try to set a positive example for them. You then challenge yourself to remain upbeat and optimistic despite their griping, and perhaps can even come to value the importance of remaining detached and emotionally balanced. We aren't meant to alienate others because they think or behave differently than us; I believe we can build bridges, and perhaps help the chronic pessimist find some new ways to think, perceive, and approach life.

This isn't to say we bash our negative friends' and their habits, because that would be putting conditions upon your friendship or relationship, which is also pointless. Rather, try to accept them as they are, while remaining true to your own desire to be a positive force in your own life.

Some ways to remain friends with negative people, while honoring your own spiritual imperatives are:

  • Knowing when to respond, and when to just smile and nod

  • Interject reasonable amounts of positivity into the relationship without trying to modify their behavior

  • Being honest with them about how tiring their defensiveness or anger can be

  • Setting up boundaries, limiting contact to casual light hearted meetings ie: meeting for coffee

  • Realizing they are perceiving the world in a different way than you, and being that negative is also exhausting for them. Be empathetic, realize how hard it must be to be negative, angry, suspicious, defensive etc

  • Know when you've had enough, and honor your own needs.

Too much exposure to negative people can be contagious, so it's important that you recognize your own limitations, and learn when to walk away for a breather. I find you can over time bring your loved one to a sense of understanding without really addressing the issue directly; when they broach subjects that get them into that negative mind set - change the subject. If they incessantly want to complain, bash people, or whine about their life simply redirect their thinking by changing the subject. And if that doesn't work, just be honest and say "you know what, I really am not comfortable talking about this."

There is no need to avoid or separate yourself from negative people, or drama queens, or angry folks. You can love them, appreciate them, learn about yourself through them, and define your own ideals about happiness and positive thinking through looking at how they behave as opposed to how you would behave in their situation.

At the end of the day, you'll have a relationship that while maybe not entirely emotionally nourishing, will still be a two way motion; you accepting them as they are, and them knowing on some internal level that you care enough about them to not engage their anger or negativity.

And you never know, perhaps you'll rub off on them and end up helping them attain a more level headed, middle of the road state of mind along the way. This shouldn't be your directive, because again that would be you wanting to change the person; but if it happens organically then you've contributed to the well being of someone you care for.

We know as spiritualists and self-aware seekers of truth that a negative attitude is like a snowball rolling down a hill; it gathers momentum on it's own and gets bigger and heavier as it goes. So be a ramp to those people, so their snowball of pessimistic thinking takes flight while you're with them, and perhaps lightens their load.

Above all else, if you are determined to remain in relationships with negative people, remind yourself as often as you need to not to sweat the small stuff --  there is nothing so all encompassing in life that needs you to feel badly, suspicious, negative, or judgmental about. The world has enough heavy feelings in it already, we can shine a light in the dark by being a voice of upliftment, positivity, joy, and laughter.

Keep it light - life isn't that serious, unless you make it so.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Bullying: We Are All Responsible

This is a topic which is current, vital, and needs to be explored worldwide, as bullying is something which is becoming epidemic amongst our children, and indeed there is no age limit to bullying. To better understand the meaning of the word bully, it helps to first understand where the word and concept began.

When searching the etymology of the word, you find the following history of the word:

bully (n.) 1530s, originally "sweetheart," applied to either sex, from Dutch boel "lover; brother," probably a diminutive of Middle Dutch broeder "brother" (compare Middle High Germanbuole "brother," source of German Buhle "lover;" see brother (n.)).

Meaning deteriorated 17c. through "fine fellow" and "blusterer" to "harasser of the weak" (1680s, from bully-ruffian, 1650s). Perhaps this was by influence of bull (n.1), but a connecting sense between "lover" and "ruffian" may be in "protector of a prostitute," which was one sense of bully (though not specifically attested until 1706). The expression meaning "worthy, jolly, admirable" (especially in 1864 U.S. slang bully for you!) is first attested 1680s, and preserves an earlier, positive sense of the word.

You can see the word was originally a positive one, finding it's roots in love relationships, then evolving to mean a "fine fellow". Then, somewhere in the 17th century it shifted to become a "blusterer", and then "harasser of the weak".

Today we all know a bully is someone who picks on people who are weaker, younger, smaller than themselves. Bullying has become such a big problem in our schools, with our children and teenagers, and it has become such a frightfully big issue that now bullies don't just rely upon their words to scare others, or their fists and threats, now bullying includes knives, weapons, groups of tough kids mistreating smaller kids, and even in the extreme at times, including guns and firearms.

Why is it, that in 2014, when we are such a "civilized" society who are self-aware, understand the psyche, and psychology of what makes a person operate or "tick", are we now seeing such an eruption of violence and negative behavior in our kids?

The answer to me is so simple; they have learned this behavior from us, the elders, and in the last twenty years our mentality in North America has become so split due to political correctness, and our striving for "rights", that discipline has become a concept which no longer is cut and dry in our society.

When I grew up as a child in the 70's, and 80's, my parents had the "right" to discipline me as they saw fit. Depending on what I had done, my parents had the freedom and right as parents to ground me, govern my time and leisure activities, and when it was deemed necessary, they could spank me. These spankings seldom hurt my bottom as much as they did my pride, and truth be told while I do not support violence of any kind for any reason, the occasional swat on the backside got my attention, and helped me determine just how far I would push my parents as I just didn't enjoy being degraded in that way.

Now a days, parents are forbidden to spank their children, and there are so many help lines, groups, advocates and social structures set up that if a parent does spank their child, they can face legal recourse, and even have their children removed from their custody to be put into foster care!

I'm not saying bully's need a good spanking, or that it would even accomplish anything, what I am saying is that if parents had the freedom to discipline their children from an early age, maybe those kids would grow up with a better sense of right and wrong. Maybe those kids would think twice before pushing the boundaries out of reach if their parents had the right to teach them from a very young age that some behavior simply won't be tolerated.

This is just one aspect of what is a huge global problem though; parents know they are being watched, monitored and do not have the freedom to parent their kids the way they themselves were parented, and that can be a part of the problem. But it's only a small part of it.

Children Learn Behavior

When a child acts out, at early ages the parents either support or thwart that kind of behavior. Some parents believe their kids are just being kids, while others try to teach their children boundaries and limits. And yet the medical establishment does so much damage during these formative years by labeling these kids as having ADHD, and put them on medication, when in truth they are likely just very active kids who aren't being physically stimulated enough. Kids are now faced with a world where both parents must work to make ends meet, and often they are left in the care of the easiest baby sitter there is; the television. Kids don't spend nearly enough time outdoors playing, and exhausting their massive stores of energy. And then when they act out, or can't pay attention, or are fidgety we medicate them to make them easier to cope with, complacent, and simpler to deal with. We are medicating our children because they aren't active enough, and these medications are meant to dull the child's perception, make them calm, quiet, still. Are children supposed to be quiet little creatures who sit quietly and still for hours at a time? They are kids! They are meant to run wild, climb trees, explore their surroundings, use their imagination to play games, and above all else - be active, and curious and full of zeal!

It's just easier for parents to give their kids pills to calm them down, when in truth, most of the kids on these medications would be best served by going outside and playing.

Our civilization requires both parents to work, which is exhausting for a family unit. You take mom and dad out of their home, make them work 8-12 hours a day, 5-6 days a week, and when they get home they want to unwind and relax, yet the house has demands too, keeping it clean, keeping clothing laundered, family fed, there is no end in this time in our society to the things parents need to get done in order to simply keep the house running somewhat smoothly. So the tv gets turned on, or the video game systems, or movies, and kids are expected to stay indoors and behave themselves, while parents try to get all of their tasks completed, and what you have at the end of a week is a couple who need a vacation, and a child or children who are so bored, desensitized, and under-stimulated that the entire household is off kilter.

Parents are tired, dad may have a few too many beers to unwind, mom may become snarky as she just so badly wants to unwind but there is no end to the chores, work, and routine! So you end up with a child who sees his parents less than he sees his teachers, who isn't getting much exercise, proper sleep, nutrition, and you can do the math to figure out where this leads to.

If that child is seeing his parents snap, argue, abuse alcohol or drugs, chances are the child is going to learn to behave that way too. And this is one way a bully may arise.

Bullies Are Insecure

You don't become a bully because you're wonderful, and strong, and self-assured. You become a bully because you need to protect yourself, so you act preemptively, making sure you are in control of your own life by being on the offense rather than the defense. I'm sure many bullies are being bullied themselves, in some way in their life. Maybe mom or dad are angry, and treating the child badly, be it through physical, emotional, or mental abuse. In any event, bullies at the core are very insecure people, who do what they do because deep down within themselves they are not secure in who they are, and they are not at peace in their role in life. Bullies begin at early ages, on the playground, needing to be the loudest, the strongest, and the one with the most respect, they learn that they can make smaller weaker kids bend to their will by virtue of their words, their fists, and their cruel behavior. If this behavior goes unchecked by parents and care givers, then the bully grows up with the knowledge that they can control their own reality by using aggression and even violence as a means to stay in charge.

If this behavior is never addressed, the child becomes a teenager who has no concept of discipline or consequences, and then they become an adult who will in turn teach their own child that aggressive hostile behavior is how to get things accomplished.

How Do We Deal With Bullies?

This is the age old question; is there a way to handle a bully without ending up a target of their anger? My own daughter has been facing bullying in the past month since starting high-school. Her bullies are from a different school, who share her school bus. It began on day one of school, as this group of boys began making sexual comments towards her, to which her response was to tell them where to go, in not-so ladylike ways. She was not comfortable with how they were objectifying her and talking to and about her, so she put out a boundary immediately by telling them where to go.

The result was cliché, as these boys saw immediately how to push her buttons, and saw the fun in targeting her. As a group, they began to harass her daily on the bus, and the next week they threatened to beat her up the moment she got off the bus. The bus driver did not let her off the bus, and they stood there waiting for her to get off so they could beat her up. My husband and I rushed to the bus once the bus company contacted us, and my husband went after the kids, as they ran away. We confronted the bullies, myself, my husband, and our daughter. And I attempted to talk to them, relate to them, humanize ourselves to them, so they would recognize that our child has family, loved ones, and has a right to ride the bus in peace, just like them.

This didn't thwart them. The behavior continued. So I opted to get the schools, and the school board involved. Since then the threats escalated at first, as these boys were now threatening not only physical violence, but also sexual violence. And yet we did not back down. We stood up to these bullies, and even now they are still facing consequences as the school board has removed some of them from the bus temporarily, some of them permanently, and their parents have all been informed. They are being watched closely now, and it is becoming clear to them that their behavior is not okay, will not be permitted to continue, and they will face severe and harsher penalties should it continue.

In short, the way to deal with a bully is to not back down. EVER.

Bullies rely upon the weakness of their prey. They derive their power from the tears of their victim, they feel stronger and empowered each time a victim backs down, and slinks away. And yet the bully only gets stronger, meaner, and more dangerous. So it is up to the adults in our communities to deal with them.

We Are All Responsible!

Remember the old adage, "It takes a village to raise a child"? This is true - we must band together as adults, as parents, and as members of our societies, to make sure our neighborhoods and streets are safe for all children, and all people. Bullies need to know that no one is going to idly sit by and watch while they terrorize people by virtue of their out of control behavior.

And it is so imperative that as the adults, we also remember that bullies are created, and to keep in mind that at the core of these out of control kids is insecurity, and a lack of love and security. We must lead by example, and put down clear boundaries. If you see children or young adults mistreating anyone, you must speak up. It is so detrimental to turn the other cheek to aggressive behavior in our world. Just because it isn't happening directly to you or your loved ones is not an excuse to ignore bullying behavior!

If you see it - do something about it!

Our kids are living in scary times, the world is all lit up with technology, and now they face things we never even could conceive of at their age; cyber bullying, online thugs, violence and weapons in schools, these are things which are indicative of the state of our kids - they need rules, they need structure, and they need to learn morals and values lest they become adults who trod over everyone around them, carrying that bullying mentality into the world of business, and passing that behavior on to their own children.

It is not okay - and it is up to each and every one of us as freethinking intelligent people to take a stand, and clearly state through our actions and responses to the world that we will not tolerate bullying of any type, any longer.

I am sickened when I hear about children being beaten by other children, or of the all too often stabbings now in schools, kids with guns, kids beating the crap out of other kids.

Do you know why my daughter was targeted by the bullies on her bus? Because of the school she goes to. That was it - the reason. I asked the ring leader very pointedly "Why have you chosen to single her out? What about her makes you want to harass her?" his response was "She goes to **** and that is a school for faggots and queers!"

This boy has said very pointedly that he would like to beat my daughter, rape my daughter, degrade and humiliate my daughter, and all because he thinks her school is for homosexuals...

Something is very wrong. It is very wrong that I had to go to the lengths I've had to in order to see my daughter safe on her own bus. It is very wrong that her bullying was minimized by an adult mother of four children who works for student transportation. It is very wrong that the solution this woman offered us was to take my daughter off the bus and put her on another one. So the bullies get to stay on their bus and chase my child off? No - this is not adequate, proper behavior, and it is why I reached out to the board of education itself.

Make a fuss my friends, speak out, advocate for anti-bullying campaigns. Get involved in your community, speak up when you see bullying behavior, do not allow this to continue. It is up to each and every one of as us adults, as open minded heart oriented people, to draw a line in the proverbial sand and say "NO! This is not acceptable!"

And please, talk to your children. Be willing to see them without bias, and if you see that they have bullying tendencies please do not ignore this! Address it with them, talk to them, and if you need help, ask for help! Please do not let your children become adults who act like bullies, it is a disservice to them, and to society. If your child is being bullied do not ignore the situation! Fight for their rights, show them that they can stand up for themselves, and ask for help - teach them to go to teachers, authority figures, in order to report bullying and put an end to their own victimization!

If you're still reading and stuck with me through this entire entry, I thank you. This is a subject which has never been on the fore in my mind, as we've never faced it. Yet now that it's happened to my child I find myself wanting to become very vocal, and very involved. I want victims of bullying to know that it isn't their fault, and they don't need to continue living in fear! And I want bullies to know that they must change their behavior, or their lives will be fraught with adversity, as it is just not okay to treat others like garbage.

Let's get involved, and take back our kids' rights and freedoms, by making sure bullies do not prevail!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Answer Hate with Love: As "outside" so "Within"

This world in which we live is full of duality, so much of our reality hangs on the balance between "good" and "bad", "happy" and "sad", "love" and "hate"; is it any wonder we can end up confused, depressed, and feeling like life is just too much at times?

Turn on the news and you'll see so many negative stories, senseless killings, wars, natural disasters, all of these stories creating yet more fears within. The news seldom shares the uplifting stories that occur every day in our society. News depend upon ratings, and in this day and age sensational headlines are what get viewers interest; we are all so desensitized to the brutality in our world that it has become commonplace to hear troubling news stories and simply look away, go about our lives, pay it very little mind.

Yet we are part of a dynamic and symbiotic planet, in which we are all connected via the air we breathe, the space we inhabit, the plants and animals and people on this world are all interconnected by virtue of the things we all share; oxygen, sunlight, water, and the will to live.

So as a Lightworker, or a new age Spiritualist, how can we live amid the turmoil on planet Earth, while still nurturing Spirit, and staying centered and balanced within a sense of inner peace? It is simple in reality, and yet takes daily affirmation, repetition, and a retraining of ones own habits and thoughts, because the truest truth any of us can know and share is that we cannot attempt to "fix" the things that are wrong on this planet, until we "fix" that which requires our attention within. Individually, we each have our own inner worlds, where our past memories reside, and many of those memories have shaped us and made us into the people we are currently being. In order to evolve and grow beyond our past experiences we have to be willing to let it go, and move consciously into this moment.

This moment, is the only moment that matters, as the past is but a distant echo, and the future is unfolding moment by moment based on who we are being, how we are feeling and behaving, in this very moment. Realizing this, and truly grasping it as more than a simple concept enables you to really understand that the only significant time in your life is the one you are experiencing right now. And here, in this moment, you have the power to heal your past hurts, let go of anger, hurt, and betrayal, and move into the next moment unfettered, and free to begin shining a Light upon the world around you.

When you begin to experience a Spiritual Awakening, no matter what your beliefs may be, you begin to understand that your relationship to all life, the Universe, and God Him/Her Self is internal, intimate, and beyond the minds comprehension. This is a relationship that blossoms in the heart, and flows through your Crown and Brow chakras. When one is open and receptive to this type of communion with Spirit, then everything rather falls into place.

It is easy when you are in a higher place of receptivity and Light and compassion, to see that while the world is definitely full of darkness, and there is danger and evil of all types in our communities and societies, nothing can diminish the peace you carry within you. This is the basis of true faith; knowing that no matter what goes on outside of yourself, nothing can sever the tie you have to your bliss, your faith, your love and your Light. When you realize that no matter what is done to or through you, that no one will ever be able to rob you of your peace, your joy, your compassion, and your connection to Spiritual Love, then you free yourself to see the rest of our reality for what it is; a grand and bizarre illusion.

This is essentially what life is; a grand stage on which mankind acts out every possible scenario under the sun, in order to experience the fullness of living, in all shades and shapes of life's infinite and boundless options. We come into this world with free will; indeed the Universe gifts us with the ability to choose whatever it is we wish to experience. Yet so many people feel that they are victims of fate, or destiny, and rather than taking an active creative roll in their lives, they spend their whole life feeling as though others control their time, their responsibilities, their morality and their behavior.

Yet when you encounter a truly deep and poignant relationship with Spirit, you realize that you are free to rewrite your story, any time you want, as many times as you want, in order to live the life you truly yearn to live.

This is the gift of free will! If you dislike what you see in the world around you, then look within, because the key to making changes outside of ourselves is to first make those changes within. We are all familiar with the old adage "As Above, so Below" which simply means that whatever the saints and angels and ascended beings can experience in higher dimensional frequencies of existence, so may we here on this 3 dimensional planet, by raising our frequency (through meditation, intention, self-aware introspection), well it also applies to "As outside, so within". What you see in the world is what is mirrored to get your attention within yourself. If you see things that trouble you about people, humanity, behavior, then look within and be certain you are not somehow contributing to that condition or expression of behavior. Only then will you truly be able to examine the thing that has your attention, from a loving place of detachment and compassion and empathy, thereby making you readily able to then point your healing outwards towards the issue itself.

To make an attempt at analogy, which we all know I am horrendous at *grin*, it would be like an Oncologist (doctor who specializes in Cancers) who smokes, being angry at patients who don't do everything they can to get better.

In this way, we must be willing to examine ourselves, and see if we are somehow part of the global problem, and if we find aspects of who we are, or what we do or think, that is contributing to an external problem, then healing it, changing ones mind, and willfully becoming a part of the solution.

If you, like myself, watch the news and are sickened by what you see happening in Israel and this time, and with regards to the terror cell ISIS, then I urge you to stop seeing this issue as external of yourself. Because it isn't, nothing that takes place on Earth is external from ourselves - we are all connected. I am deeply saddened and scared by people who will take another's life seemingly so easily to prove some political or religious point. So I look within, and I find a fear within me of fundamental religion, zealots, people who are so driven by their own beliefs that they are prepared to kill and die for them. And it reminds me of who I have been in my past, while awakening and experiencing my Spirituality in my twenties, and how sure I was that I had found "the" answers, and knew "the" truth. I was rather arrogant in my faith at that tender time in my life, and in that way I can identify with those who I fear, because I know how it feels to be absolutely sure that I'm right.

Understanding this I can now in all humility let that go, realizing I've grown beyond that egotistical need to feel superior through my beliefs, and then feel compassion, and pity, and even love for those who are exploiting the freedom and lives of others to further their own personal beliefs.

So while I do not condone their behavior, and I surely have no long-term solutions to what is going on in the Middle East, I have compassion, and a generalized sense of understanding of how it feels to be a religious zealot and fanatic. And this makes it easier for me to humanize the terrorists, and see them as people who have been indoctrinated, their minds warped by their own religious teachers and mentors, and I can pray for their souls to awaken to love, compassion, and civilized behavior.

In this way I change my own ideas about ISIS, sending out love rather than anger or fear or hate. And in this way I become part of the solution, rather than the problem. Because answering hate with hate is like trying to put out a fire by dumping gasoline on it.

We all have the ability to go within, examine our own motives, understand our own agendas, and see our ego and how it often gets into heated dramatic situations because it simply hates being wrong! And when you identify your ego, learn to laugh at it, and become more capable of gently shutting your ego down when it wants to own the spotlight, then you claim freedom; the freedom to be the Soul and being of Light you are.

So while we may not be able to "fix" the worlds problems, we certainly can contribute in a positive way by praying for humanity, understanding all sides, seeing through compassionate eyes, and answering hate with love. Love is the most valuable asset any of us have, it is our birth right, and it is where we come from, and where we are destined to return to. So when something "outside" of yourself compromises your peace, or your inner love, face it, explore it, identify with it, and then heal it with love, empathy, and self-awareness.

I wish you the utmost Peace & Love, always.

Monday, September 1, 2014

Parenting In the "New Age": Spiritually Sovereign Kids

I look back to when I was pregnant with my daughter 15 years ago, and I have to gently laugh as I remember my expectations back then, my hopes and aspirations for my unborn child. I had a couple of very profound dreams while pregnant with her, and knew I was bringing a very Spiritually alert and aware being into this world. I would daydream about meditating with her, teaching her about the Chakra's, exploring the world with her as she encountered people and places for the first time. I did not for one moment imagine my child would be any different than I was.

As most parents realize as their child begins to talk and walk, I tried to encourage her to participate in her world of imagination, always telling her stories about angels, and fairies, and unseen worlds. In the first five years of her life, she was indeed very connected, and would make very profound statements about angels, people, fairies etc. One day while driving in the car, on a sunny day, she said from her baby seat in the back "Mommy do you see it? It's so pretty!!" and I asked "What honey? What do you see?" I looked in the rear view mirror at her and she was staring out the window, up into the sky, and I thought maybe she saw a plane, as we were near the Toronto International airport. But her response left me speechless; she said "The sun mommy! It has ribbons of light that come down into every persons heart filling them with love!"

This was the type of child she was in the first few years of her life, and I was so eager to continue to nurture and nourish her spirituality as she grew.

So a couple of years ago when she announced to her dad and I that "I'm an atheist" I didn't know how to feel or what to say. How could this child, who was created in so much love, who was so full of wonder, and magic, and so obviously a Crystal child stop believing in magick?

In truth, she's come to accept and admit she is agnostic, as she does believe in "something", but not God, not something sentient, or man made, that makes rules or punishes sinners. And this is exactly where my own beliefs are rooted. And yet I am always walkin within magick, where as my child is completely earth-bound. She does not dwell in her imagination, and at the age of 14 she is so pragmatic, scientific, and sensible. So completely opposite of me!

If someone had told me 15 years ago while I was still pregnant with her that she wouldn't share my spiritual passions I would have snorted in disbelief! How could this being, who has spent 9 months living within me, who has been a part of my soul for all eternity, not share my deeply woven spiritual hunger and passion?

But it's been 15 years, and a lot changes in a decade and a half. I am thrilled that my daughter has developed her own beliefs, and if nothing else I wish to provide her with the space, freedom, and acceptance to continue to cultivate her own beliefs.

You see, we tend to condition our children to share our own faith, which our own parents conditioned us to have. I was very lucky, and I've mentioned it before, that my own mother who was brought up Catholic, gave me the freedom to choose my own path spiritually. She allowed me to attend a Christian church when I was young, and when I walked away from the dogma of Christianity and began to explore Wicca, and Buddhism, she supported that too. In this way, I had the best roll model. My mother taught me that the truest gift we can give our kids, is the opportunity to discover their own spiritual beliefs.

Renée is very like me in so many ways; we share the same twisted dry sense of sarcastic humor, we laugh so loudly and so often together. She is deeply compassionate and a very philosophical thinker, and we can share long discussions about so many topics together. Yet when it comes to my Spiritual beliefs and values, I tend to not "bother" her with them. I know she believes very similarly to me, yet expresses her belief in a very intimate and private way. Where as her mom is public in her Paganism, and blogs about it, and reads Tarot cards for a living, for herself spirituality is a private sanctum within her. One she needn't talk about or examine. And I respect that.

I think this is an important gift any parent can give their own child; the freedom to explore, and discern on their own what feels right to them as individuals with their own minds. When we believe very strongly in something, we tend to indoctrinate our children with it, never really wondering if this is what they would choose for themselves if given the opportunity. Yet how different their beliefs and convictions would be if they came to them on their own, in their own time and way?

I urge all New Age Spiritualists to let their children seek God or Divinity on their own terms. Offer them perspectives, different beliefs, different ideologies, and then let them investigate and come to their own sets of ideals and conclusions. It would have been very easy for me to make Renée into a little clone of me, sharing my beliefs, but I never wanted to enforce my own ideals on her; it has always been imperative to me that I allow her to be her own person, no matter how young she was. She is my child, but she is not my creation; she is her own person, and as such I have always tried to give her the space she needs to develop her own ideas about life, love, spirit, and peace.

There are literally billions of people on this planet who have religious beliefs simply because they were not offered alternatives. Muslims are Muslims and Christians are Christians and they both are such because that is what their parents made them. Had their parents given them the freedom to find God in their own way, I can't help but think there would be far less religion on this planet, and far more Spirituality.

And remember the old cliché; if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be. I think if parents do this with their children's spiritual lives they may be shocked to find their kids end up coming back to the core family values in the end with which they were raised.

Spiritual sovereignty is the greatest gift anyone can give their children - freedom is a precious gift to give! Often if you let your kids explore their own imagination, inner world, conscience and explore the world around them, you'll find them coming to know God in their own intimate way.

Love & Blessings,

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

A Message To The Abused, & The Abuser

I write now to not only clear my conscience and ease my troubled mind, but to reach out to those who can relate to me, to those who know what it is to be hurt and mistreated by loved ones, and to those who either knowingly or unwittingly are perpetrating pain and violations upon their own children. Innocence is the one truth we are all born with, as we take our first breath on this planet, we rely upon grownups to nurture and care for us, and our first years are spent relying upon our parents, and our family to provide us with the basic needs and foundation for a healthy balanced life. When I posted yesterday about the memory of a molestation in my childhood, I did so to get it out, because the memory was sudden, vivid, and so very painful. But I need you to understand that this one painful act of betrayal was not the only act of cruelty I experienced as a child. I was a ward of the courts in my first four years, was in various foster homes, and was eventually adopted at age four by a couple who were related to my birth mother. My first few years with them was blissful, and a great deal of healing was done as they pampered me, lavished me with love, care, and compassion. Had it not been for those first years of adopted life, I may have fractured mentally, and become someone completely different than who I am today. Yet, as life went on, and the pressures in my parents life became more vivid to them, they both found comfort in the bottle; and my blissful life slowly transformed into a thing of fear and pain. Growing up in a world transformed by addiction, and alcoholism was volatile at best; anyone who grew up with alcoholics knows well how you walk on egg shells, fear the night and what may come, and learn to protect yourself by whatever means possible. For me, I learned to become introverted at home, to hide in my room, to surround myself in music, writing, and the arts. And where others bore it quietly, I never could, and would talk to friends, reaching out again and again, and yet never finding solace. I know my parents never meant to intentionally hurt me, yet the pain created scars I carry to this day. And I beseech you, reading this now, if you are struggling with alcoholism, depression, or addiction on any level, and it is affecting your children, please stop hiding, and get help. Because while you may think you are only hurting yourself, I assure you - you are dead wrong. Children are very sensitive to their parents needs, fears, and insecurities, and while the addict often gets to sleep away the trauma of the night previous, the child wakes up with full recall, and adds another psychic scar to the collection. And that collection  never dulls, never eases, and never allows the child to grow into a fully secure adult themselves. And in this way, the cycle of abuse is ongoing. While I myself do not drink or abuse drugs, I am honest about my depression, and panic disorder, which I have passed down to my beautiful little girl. She is now 14, and has depression and anxiety which rightfully are not hers to bear. And yet, she has always been sensitive to her mother, and unwittingly along the years, I exposed her to too much of my own pain, insecurity, and uncertainty; on some level she absorbed my self doubts, my fears, and they became her own. How do I tell her that these feelings she now struggles with truly are not her own to be burdened by? I simply cannot; she will not understand that by virtue of living with an emotionally raw role model, she learned how to internalize, and punish herself exactly the way her mommy did. She has never been abused, mistreated, or violated in the ways her mom has; and yet she lives with the same pain and sense of loss, and the only way I can explain it is to say that we are so close, so completely entwined via our hearts and souls, that she absorbed my pain at a very young age. If I had known, all those years when I thought she was fast asleep, and I cried quietly to myself or my husband, about things I could not let go of... I never wanted to leave her with this painful legacy. Depression is something I grew up feeling ashamed about. I was identified as depressed in my early teens, forced into psychiatric care, medicated, and labeled. And that was that, those who felt responsible washed their hands, feeling what I suffered was chemical and therefore no-ones fault. Everyone around me put me at arms length, and I learned to struggle quietly, because when I spoke about it I would ultimately end up feeling alienated from the very people I needed to accept and love me. They had caused so much of my turmoil and disconnection from strength, and sovereignty, and on a deep level they knew it, and yet it was just easier I guess, to put me into a program, and tell themselves they were doing all they could. But I am telling you, at the age of 42, I have not healed from those childhood traumas I lived through. I could recount tales of horror, the worst nights of my life, the words that were said that could never be unsaid, the physical abuse, the emotional acts of terrorism... but what would be the point? I relive it often enough in my psyche, in my dreams. And in this way, the victim often continues to victimize themselves, as they cannot find a healthy outlet for all the hurts they accrued growing up. So while you think your children will grow up and forget whatever it is they are experiencing right now, I am here to tell you that no - they will never forget. I have forgiven my parents, and anyone who has ever hurt me. It is easy to forgive, I have no trouble with forgiveness, it is as much for me that I am able to forgive as for those who have violated my innocence and trust. But forgetting is something I've never been able to accomplish. And that is where conditions like depression, panic disorder, and post traumatic stress come into play. If you have a problem, please stop making excuses, and letting your foolish pride convince you that you're doing okay, because you know deep within you that you are not. Get help, now, not tomorrow, or next week, but now, because it isn't your own happiness you are diminishing, but the happiness of the people you love the most on this planet; your children. Sure, you don't mean to hurt them, but good intentions are not equivalent to good behavior, and you know that too many times, you've allowed your own drama become their trauma. So please, for the love of your children's innocence; get help. If you have been abused, in any way, by anyone in your life, please know that it was not your fault. You didn't do anything to deserve abuse; no one on this planet deserves to be hurt, mistreated, or violated. And if you are an abuser, an alcoholic, an addict, and your pain is becoming your children's pain, then I beg of you, start putting their needs ahead of your own and get help, talk to someone, seek a solution. Because you do not have to keep living in this cycle of blame, pain, hiding, and excuses. It won't get any better until you decide to put an end to it, and in this way you have the power to transform your painful reality into a promise of something better for your children. For long after you take your last breath on this planet, they will still be here, trying to make sense of their own feelings, and trying to pick up the pieces of their own fractured childhood. There are only two absolute truths in this life; Fear, and Love. We are always operating from a place of one, or the other. When fear is in charge, pain is prevalent, abundant, and multiplies virulently. The only answer to fear is love; love is the only means we have of absolving our past transgressions, and cleansing the unclean places we hold so tightly within. Choose love, for your children, for yourself, it is truly what you deserve now. No matter how unworthy you may feel, love is what you were born to feel, experience, receive, and be. No matter who taught you to feel otherwise in your past, you must know that now, in this moment, you have the power to be strong, and do the right thing; do what love would do. If you are uncertain as to who to turn to, call your local church, or social services department, and ask to be put in touch with a counselor, or support group. Make the first step, it's the hardest, but I promise you, each step you take after that first one will be easier. Forgiveness begins within, please forgive yourself, so that your children can grow up with some semblance of security, stability, and pride in their parents.