Showing posts with label Self-Awareness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-Awareness. Show all posts

Friday, January 8, 2016

Overcoming the Guilt Complex!



If you have never had an issue with guilt, then this post likely won't offer you up much food for thought or growth. However, there is probably a reason you find yourself here, and I'm guessing something deep inside of you reached out in desperation and necessity upon seeing the words "Guilt Complex". This is for those of us who have struggled with guilt all of our lives.

While I attempt to help others with my own experiences and knowledge through this blog, I have to say before going further that this is a lesson still very much in progress for me. I am not in any way "over" my guilt issues; however I am making stellar progress, enough so that I feel confident in sharing what I've gleaned so far.

Let me begin with a little backstory to build bridges of relate-able allegory so you will know you're among a kindred spirit. As far back as my memory travels, guilt was a constant companion. I recall stories my adoptive mother tells of my first Christmas morning after I was adopted. Having been a ward of the courts, and in foster care off and on for my first four years of life, I was apparently so overwhelmed Christmas morning at the age of four, by the sheer amount of presents in my stocking, that I stood still, almost catatonic, in shock that all of those presents were for me. It took a lot of coaxing and gentle convincing for my new mother to impress upon me that the stocking was only the tip of the ice berg. Something within me did not feel worthy.

At age 6 I recall helping my father rake the leaves outside, and in my haste to be as helpful as I could I remember whirling around quickly to hand him the rake when he asked for it, and whacking him quite firmly on the nose. It obviously hurt him, as he cried out, and put his hand to his face immediately. And my memory is pure guilt, shame, I wanted to run away and cry, I had hurt my father, surely he would hate me now, surely I was the most horrible awkward unlovable child on earth.

The following few decades were fairly consistent as far as those feelings were concerned. I have battled with feelings of guilt since I was a small child, and in fact it got so bad that in my adult life I would find myself feeling guilty of things I had nothing to do with. Confrontation made me feel guilty and shameful. Saying "no" made me feel horrendous and cruel. Even typing the general memories I have shared thus far has created a sensation of anxiety within me, as my skin now feels ultra sensitive, my heart is beating faster, and I feel somewhat nauseated.

What It Feels Like to Live With Guilt


This is what it is to live with a guilt complex; eventually we were made to believe at some point in our lives that we were not good enough, or smart enough, or _____ enough. Or we convinced ourselves of it, if no one else did. And the message stuck, to the point of becoming a mixture of phobia and psychological trauma.

You know how it feels, when someone confronts you with even the most minor of issues, such as "why did you say that" or "where did you put my keys" or even "what did you tell so & so about me?" A well adjusted person weighs the question, and answers rationally. A guilt complex leads a person to feel cornered, backed into a wall, giving rise to the fight or flight instinct. And then you begin to hold yourself responsible for things that are completely disproportionate, and this can interfere with your relationships with others, and how you view yourself.

Living with guilt is like living with a critic who is constantly putting you down, whispering in your ear that you're a fraud, telling you that any time things go badly in life it is your fault.

But this is simple programming, which can be overcome through dedication and self-awareness.

Letting Go of Guilt


First, you have to exhale, because you've likely been holding your anxious breath for so long that you're a stressed out ticking time bomb! Breathe. As I say again and again throughout this blog, oxygen is the salvation we are seeking! Once you get clean deep breaths into your lungs, blood supply, and brain, you allow yourself to think more rationally, and calmly. Breathing is always the first step when dealing with any negative feeling, emotion, or situation. And a guilt complex is the mother load when it comes to negative feelings!

The next bit is the part that requires your dedication, because you need to commit yourself to changing the way you think, and that is so much easier said than done. Our minds are like computers that keep generating the most often used or "trending" topics and ideas. So as the programmer, it is up to you to rewire your hard drive, and start replacing the old coding with new and improved algorithms. 

Self-awareness is a journey towards peace, and enlightenment, which does not require a religious belief, or a dedication to anyone, or anything outside of ones self. All you need to do is commit to your own well being, and then start cleansing your mind of the negative trending topics within. Brain washing isn't always a bad thing,  and a person living with constant internal guilt feelings could do with a bit of cleansing within. So this is where affirmations can become very powerful tools for changing the way you think, and the habitual responses you have to negative stimuli. When guilt feelings arise, rather than let them drag you down into feelings of despair and self-loathing, step out of yourself and observe; this is self-awareness in motion. Observing your thoughts, and your physical and emotional responses to your thoughts, enables you to see how you operate. And this in turn lets you see beyond the conditioning you've operated within, to start creating new and more healthy habits.

Somewhere in the last few years, I made a decision to stop feeling responsible for things out of my control, and to finally stop feeling guilty for any and everything that isn't completely mine to own. It is enough that I am willing to accept my faults, own them, apologize, and make amends when I mess up in life. I do not need to bend over backwards to accept responsibility when I have not done wrong! Neither do you.

This change didn't happen overnight. It was a few years in the shaping, and as I said earlier, I am still very much working at it. However, sometime before the new year rolled around, it hit me like a tonne of very welcome bricks: something has definitely changed within me. In the last six months especially, something has clicked, and maybe all those affirmations, all the visualization, self-healing, introspection and self-awareness I have dedicated myself to, has finally paid off! Because I am not carrying the weight of the entire world on my chest anymore.

How Does it Feel to Break Free?


I feel free, truly free, from my own self-judgement and inner critic. And I realize it was never an issue of the world making me feel small, or somebody conditioning me to feel guilty; it was always about my own shrunken sense of self worth. 

I'm very much a work in progress, just like you, and that is all we are expected to be on this journey of life on planet Earth. We are evolving as best we can, with the knowledge we have, and the skills we are learning. We teach what we are learning, and we share what we have discovered. And that is why this blog exists; so that I can share what I am uncovering about myself, on my own journey, because when I have a moment of clarity, or an epiphany, I cannot wait to share it with you - my kindred spirits and friends, who are on your own parallel journey of awakening and enlightenment. And this is one epiphany I so needed to share with you, because I know that so many of us struggle with guilt, and feelings of worthlessness, and overly harsh judgments of ourselves. 

You don't have to be so hard on yourself anymore. The time for that period of your life is done and over, you've learned all you needed to by being so intensely hard on yourself, so now you can glean the lessons, and work on letting it go. Because I promise you, there is nothing in this world, outside of your own thoughts, words, and deeds, that you are responsible for. You are not responsible or accountable for anything beyond your own control. No matter what anyone says, or how others try to make you feel, you must begin to value yourself deeply within, to the extent that you prize your own inner sanctity above all else. 

You are worth your own patience, acceptance, and love. Nourishing those elements of yourself will help you reduce feelings of guilt, and before you know it you'll have an a-ha! moment of your own, as you realize "hey, I haven't been hyper-sensitive to guilt in a long while now!"

And that is a tremendous realization to come to. I wish this for you too my friend, as you continue upon your path of self-awareness; be kind and gentle with yourself, you are unique and special, and it is high time you treat yourself accordingly.


Sunday, August 30, 2015

How to Really Find PEACE Within Polarity



You will see a lot of articles about how to find peace and be happy online, and there are plenty of blogs about living a serene life and attaining a balanced state of harmony.

Often, though, these types of articles can tell you how to go about practising positive thinking and being, and achieving peace, yet don’t really tell you how intense that’s going to be. I mean they may touch upon it, but I rarely see an article detailing how to really work at spiritual balance, or inner peace. Because it is work; letting go of attachment, and becoming a truly happy person. It isn’t as cut and dry as it sounds. In an ideal perfect world everyone would be able to say to themselves “I am no longer a product of the illusionary world around me, I am sovereign, I am a child of the Loving Universe, and I choose peace” and have it be so by virtue of willing it. But this isn’t a perfect or ideal world; this is planet Earth, the planet of polarity and duality. Things seldom go easy when it comes down to deep honest humble goals because this planet is set to a vibration of “tit for tat”. There is a balance, and a counter balance, and this is as it was, and is, and likely always will be here on Earth. There is an opposite for everything here, because that’s the nature of this reality. In order to distinguish light, we must experience dark, to really get an understanding of bliss; we must first fully experience sorrow, as this is how things operate within the vibrational construct of this dimension in Space/Time.

This is the reason life is so complex, and achieving a sense of peace is so difficult for so many. It doesn’t have to be difficult, as I’ve said before, if given the chance that I could go to some Ashram on a mountainside in India, in order to mediate all day and focus on my peaceful core, I would likely achieve enlightenment rather quickly! Who wouldn’t when in such a supportive environment? Buddhists know the depths of polarity and learned hundreds of years ago how to be within its creative layers to the most beneficial outcome. This is why Buddhists respect all life; they know life is vital, and of the same vibration no matter what species and that karma binds us all by the same laws of checks and balances. It’s also why Buddhists know that to know God; they must empty the clutter out from within, and seek through the heart of the Self.


But we aren’t living in Buddhist retreats, are we...

No, we’re living in busy cities, or suburbs, with daily demands and responsibilities. Since we began to ‘awaken’ we have taken stock of what no longer vibrates in resonance with our goals but it isn’t easy to walk away from relationships, even if they’re negative. It’s easy for people to make cute memes for social networks that espouse the fundamental need to rid oneself of all negativity in order to honour their needs.



But let’s face it, we live on a planet that dictates without discussion that in order to find the peace we seek we must deal with the chaos that counters it.

So the real meat and potatoes question here is this:

How do we really achieve a sense of inner peace while living amid the “real world”?

This is the beauty, and the challenge, and eventually you can also realize the amazing gift you face when you decide you no longer can live by petty standards or beliefs. You’ve made some big choices since you began awakening, about who you are, who you wish to be, what you want to do with what you  know, and what you want to keep learning and discovering. You’ve tried applying much of what you’ve read, and learned, and feel intuitively within yourself. But these damn headaches keep popping up in life, and no matter how hard you meditate, or adjust your thinking, or change your vocabulary, you just can’t seem to get rid of some problem, or situation, or cyclic occurrence, or pattern in your life that just brings you down.

And I’m here to tell you that some of what you’ve read or been taught isn’t exactly correct. You don’t want to eliminate the negative from your life my friend. You may think you do, and everything you’ve been working towards has told you that it’s necessary. But I’m telling you if you think about the Universe we live in, and all you know about the law of attraction, polarity, vibrations and manifestation, then it becomes apparent that maybe what you want to do is accommodate the chaos, explore it, understand it. I’m not saying welcome negativity into your life. I’m saying when it arrives, which it will, don’t turn away from it, or try to ‘transcend’ it. Check it out, look at it closely; see what it reminds you of, how it makes you feel. Go deep within yourself and see how you really feel, and then find where that feeling originates from. This is a quest for true self-awareness, and it is the most empowering feeling a person can have.

You can be a strong empath, or clairvoyant, or sensitive, and feel the feelings of others, and identify with the warmth you may feel within yourself when you tune into someone else in such a way that you become beneficial to them. Well when you do that for yourself, you begin to make friends with yourself. I mean truly understand yourself from so many different angles, and ages, and points of view, that you will end up liking yourself, and understanding yourself in a way no other human being possibly can.

The process of really getting to know your self is fun!

It can also be incredibly painful, humiliating, shameful, scary, and sad. Getting to know yourself means seeing yourself clearly enough to see through your own facades, your ego, your own patterns, and habits, and attachments, in order to see the vulnerable, sometimes frail and authentically unabashed you that you are. You have to face things about yourself that maybe you don’t feel great about. You relive past moments that can cause pain. It is a very intense emotional process, and for me personally being extremely emotional and deeply feeling, it has been like being on a roller coaster. But I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Think again about Buddhists, do they ignore the negative? Do they pretend it is not there? Do they say they have transcended it and it no longer exists? Or do they accept it as a natural element of life and treat it with the same levity and detached sense of acknowledgement that they do positivity? Do they run from the rain and only seek the sunlight?

Accept that you are human, living in a polar opposite reality, playing with almost 9 billion other people who really don’t know who they are that well either. We’ve all been conditioned since the day we were born, to think a certain way, believe certain things, and want certain goals. Those aren’t true indicators of who we are; they are mere echoes of a character we’ve been brought up to play.

The real you lies underneath the fa├žade, is far less complex, and easy to identify.

The real you is the simple being you were as a small child. Think back to how you felt, really feel it, at the age of 6, or 7, while playing outside by yourself, think to your state of being. You dealt with negativity all the time as a kid, yet it didn't impact you the way it does now. Why? Because you were more "yourself" and not yet who the world made you into. The real you is capable of living with the discordant vibration of negativity, because negativity is a lesser resonance and you are a builder, maker, creator, and it is simply a tonal wave. 

Getting to the real you takes work; dedication to your direction. Once you know something you can't unknow it, and in this way a search for self-awareness is a trip down the proverbial rabbit hole. So be sure you're ready to commit yourself to honest to goodness truth within yourself. Because it's a responsibility too, when you take off the costume of who the world made you into, and become simply you, you realize you have to become more accountable to yourself, and the world, via your actions, and words, and thoughts. You become your own critic and coach in this way, and if you don't follow through you may end up with nagging guilt issues down the road. You can't sort of commit to being the best you that you can be; it's an all or nothing game.

And I call it a game because that is how I approach it! It's playful, and to be taken lightly, because it can get heavy enough as it is with all these feelings in this brain in this body! So don't get caught up in seriousness. What are we trying to achieve if not a sense of true belonging in the Universe, and that Universe is supportive and loving in whatever way it's capable of expressing love, and I do not for a moment feel this is serious business.

So in short, the journey is the emphasis, not the destination.


Wake up each day and affirm things to yourself, set your day off proactively. Make goals, or a vision board, keep a journal, or blog. And every day just work at being really honest with yourself. When someone makes you mad, explore your anger, and where within yourself it originates. When something causes you fear look into the feeling itself, and trace it back through your life, to it's pinpoint, so you can discover what triggered your fear, and then put it in perspective. Work at this every day, exploring your feelings, responses, mood swings, habits, crutches, and make goals as to what you're ready to let go of, what needs paying close attention to, what no longer bears necessity, and just keep at it. 

Eventually, a few weeks, or months, or years pass, and you know who you really are on a level you didn't think possible. And in that sense of self-knowing and awareness, you become more keenly attuned to the Earth around you, and the vibration you're sending out becomes the one you're excited and blessed to be  receiving back. And I promise you, when you're vibrating self-exploration, truth, and awakening, the Earth will reveal her own truth to you. It's magical; the bugs, the birds, the soughing of the breeze through the trees, the sunbeams... they all hold a deeper significance, as now you're vibrating in tandem with the Earth, and you feel the poignancy in that connection. And so too the stars, and planets and other galaxies, and so on and so on.

You find your self feeling at ease in such an infinite way. 

And this is the way towards true liberation and peace. We don't need to conquer negative experiences or people. We need to understand what they mean to us, through us, as us... we need to use them as a mirror, and a tool for self-exploration. As through the negative aspects of ourselves, we will discover the true beauty of the positive within.

Move fearlessly into each moment, breathing, armed with a sense of humour, ready and willing to face yourself in all degrees of light, and shadow. I wish you a pleasant awakening experience brothers and sisters. With much love!


Thursday, August 27, 2015

Victim Mentality? Empowerment Through Self-Awareness



It can be very difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they have a victim mentality; facing this fact means you have to admit you are rather accustomed to feeling self pity, as well as placing blame outside of yourself regularly. These are hard admissions to make, let alone try to understand. Yet every person I've met who has made this leap from victim to self-aware has benefited in so many ways, and has ultimately become a happier and more balanced person.

Signs of Victim Mentality

  • Feelings of being victimized by others, life being unfair, being treated harshly for unknown reasons.
  • Lack of power to change ones circumstances, even if those changes seem rational to others.
  • Misplaced anger directed towards family or friends who "don't understand" or "never will!"
  • Feelings of isolation, being misunderstood, alienated, shunned, betrayed by loved ones or the world.
  • Inability to put ones self into a position of accountability for the way ones life is.
Victims are not born, they are made; it is usually through upbringing that a person becomes a victim. When a person is taught by those around them that they have no power, and learn by example of their parents and care givers that life is unfair and it isn't their fault, it is simply a matter of transferring those feelings of victimization to young people. 

It is so detrimental to adopt this type of mentality however, as a young person with a victim identity grows into an adult who cannot see their own part in their unhappiness, drama, or life experiences. A lack of accountability will ultimately lead to a dynamic disconnect between rational thinking, and hyper-reactive blame gaming.

The Simplest Ways to Achieve Personal Empowerment

  1. Drop any "us vs. them" thinking, begin to see yourself as equal to all other people, equally worthy of love and good treatment, and equally capable of being erroneous, making mistakes, and screwing up. We are all human, we are all created equally, we are all equally responsible for ourselves.
  2. Start to make small changes in your every day life to enforce a sense of power to yourself, do things which give you a sense of responsibility, become accountable to yourself. Face small fears first, to enforce to yourself that you CAN. Then begin to truly believe this is true, because you CAN.
  3. Investigate your feelings - get to know how you feel and why you feel it. This is the beginnings of self-awareness, which is the most rewarding gift you can give yourself as a sentient being. Understanding why we feel the way we feel, where those feelings originate in our childhood, why we operate the way we do is so rewarding, as well as illuminating. It frees us to step outside of our conditioning, and be more than we previously thought we were.
  4. Realize it is okay to feel hurt, used, abused, neglected, betrayed etc. But it is not okay to languish in those feelings, or pull up a chair and live there. Nor is it okay to invite further abuse into your life simply because you've endured it already. And it is faulty logic to assume everyone else in the world is going to mistreat you too. 
  5. Let go of the need to place blame, in any and all situations; blame is pointless. Instead, focus upon your actions, your reactions, your feelings, and work towards the knowledge that you are human, its okay to mess up, so long as you learn from your mistakes and move forward in life.
It is my life's passion to share what I know about Awakening to Self-Awareness for one simple reason: I have been, and am, where you are as well. We teach what we've learned, and it took me the better part of four decades to truly begin to really grasp what true self-aware accountability truly is.

For the first half of my life I was a master manipulator, a weaver of grand stories, a long distance runner and avoider of truths and responsibilities, and a victim of the highest order.

Now I am still as human as I ever was; however I have learned that through my humanity and often frail understanding of the world, that I can often jump to conclusions, act before thinking, and let my ego get the better of me, so I make it my daily and deepest duty to myself to think, slow down and truly think before speaking or acting, to better understand situations, people, and myself. I examine my part in things, and hold myself responsible for the things I have done and said, witting or unwittingly. 

It is through self-aware understanding of who we are that we become capable of screwing up in life without feeling guilty, making mistakes without feeling like we have to run away or build alibis, or point the finger of blame when "bad things" happen to us. Life isn't fair or unfair, it is simply consistently chaotic, as this is the nature of the Universe. And it is constantly responding to our feelings, and what we are exuding vibrationally. If you are sending out victim vibrations the Universe will very unbiasedly send you more of what you're putting out. So you owe it to yourself to begin to explore and experiment with the vibrations of being in charge of yourself, so that the Universe can adjust it's output settings towards you.

When you shift the way you feel, and behave, the Universe will shift naturally in turn, and your reality will change as a result. And this is the nature of life within the confines of polarity within our Galaxy.

So as a favor to yourself, and to the planet by extension (because a happy you sends out ripples of happiness to the Earth) you owe it to yourself to:

  • Get to know yourself - deeply. 
  • Be honest with yourself about who you are, and how you feel, and accept yourself completely.
  • Realize that the Universe loves you as much as you love yourself - become responsible for intensifying that Love by loving yourself more profoundly.
  • Let go your attachments to drama, polarity, and self-pity. The best attention you can receive is your own positive honest aware attention.
Wishing you empowerment and sovereignty in each moment forward.


Monday, August 24, 2015

Awakening & Depression: Deep Feelings Can Drain You



A lovely woman I barely know is falling apart right now in her life, due to depression, and I feel helpless, as I know what it's like, I have depression too. I tried to reach out to her through Facebook and managed to get into an argument with women on her friends list who were spouting the usual Susie Sunshine B.S. "it's mind over matter" and "tomorrow is a new day!"

That kind of tripe just rankles my nerves. After a solid 30+ years of hearing it from everyone and their uncle I can say with a fair degree of certainty that putting a goofy smile on my face and thinking about babies cavorting in swimming pools isn't going to right the chemical imbalance going on in my brain and body.

So many people just don't get depression, and instead of taking a moment to try to enlighten I rather snapped and flung some mud right along with them. Stupidity and internet use are not always fair companions late at night.

That being said, I do feel like depression is one of those last taboo things we don't really talk about. I mean we are all tongue in cheek support and love when a celebrity like Robin Williams kills himself, and for a while there is an outpouring of posts about mental illness, and for a moment you don't feel so isolated. But at the end of the day, depression is one of those pesky conditions that really can only be felt from the inside of the one who has it. We all have differing degrees of depression, triggers, cycles, and biochemical rhythms. There is no cookie cutter mold for what a depressed person looks or sounds like.

We come in all shapes, sizes, and walks of life.

As I go through my personal journey of self awareness and awakening, my depression seems to come in greater fits and starts. I can go longer between bad bouts, but when it hits I feel like crawling into a deep dark cave somewhere and just sleeping for a decade or three. I understand that there is no shame in having mental illness. My life experiences in childhood are what caused me to develop PTSD, panic, depression and the like. I no longer live in the environment that caused these parts of me to develop fear impulses far exceeding the norm, yet my fight or flee impulses are mad sometimes.

What I am finding more and more is that the closer I come to accepting myself fully and wholly for who I am, schisms and all, the deeper my insight into myself goes. And it's a little frightening to be honest.

I try to be very honest with myself, about my ego, my agendas in life, my drama, how I create my reality. I am very hard on myself much of the time, expecting more of myself than I would any other human. And I work damn hard at maintaining a level of receptive open mindedness about who I am, as I really truly desire to free myself of all the false persona bullsh*t that keeps human beings mired in their own muck.

But the deeper I go, the crazier I feel I am... I begin to understand myself on levels previously unexplored, and then I see myself in a whole new light, and it feels like I've been exposed for all the world to see, naked, and the shock and shame fairly bowl me over. I feel like I could spend the rest of my life living in shame of things I did so long ago... simply because I can't quite figure out how to just forgive and let it go.

Part of PTSD is that it is almost impossible to let go... I can go through a deeply moving and meaningful healing exercise, end up having a cathartic release, and feel liberated, only to later down the road have a panic attack where it all wells up again quite unexpectedly. And with PTSD it's all in the moment, now, current, there is no expiration date on shock and sorrow.

So I'm at a cross roads in my journey right now. I have been for quite a while. I tried to deny it at first, unwittingly, but as I'm always digging deeper trying to be authentic, it became clear to me I was trying to hold on to a previous image of myself, for fear of feeling lost. So I have let that previous image go; completely. My whole existence was wrapped up there for a good 10-15 years, on being Dee the Spiritual coach and reader, healer, and guide. I loved it, I learned so much from my clients, my connections, my journey. But I hit a dead end a while back. A long while back. And instead of turning around, I stayed there, in confusion. For a couple of years.

So finally I have just decided to be Dee the woman. An empty canvass. See what bubbles up from within. And I'm waiting for inspiration, or some sign, or meditative epiphany.

And then I wonder "is this a midlife crisis?"

I vow no matter who or what I become or mutate into or away from, to continue to keep working on awakening to the truths in this world. We have been living in an imposed dreamscape/nightmare for decades in North America, and every fiber within my being says the world is in need of awake and alert people at this time, to help begin to instill changes into all our systems of governance, finance, military, health, education and every other conceivable level of society and culture. And to do that we have to be able to look into the mirror and recognize who we are, and who we're not.

But it's a painful process sometimes. Exposure to the darker side of our world can be scary, and when you realize we really don't have any true liberties it's downright horrifying.

But that's what this journey is about; waking up to the truth of who we Are, not who we've been programmed to be, so that we can find our sovereignty, and let that core spark of peace and light within each of us bond us together in unity as we begin to rebuild what is so quickly and forcefully being torn down around us.

In order for things to change, they have to fall apart first. And that's not always going to feel great.

So if you`re depressed, or anxious, or scared or angry, please know you`re not alone. We are gathering in greater numbers. Conspiracy theories be damned; this is about our lives, our childrens` futures, the planet itself, life, and nature.

So stick around. I`m going to start writing here again, as it just feels like the right time to do so. And I promise to throw in some useful soul food along the way to help us all ease into these shifts as they happen at increasing rapid fire speed.

Just keep breathing - in and out - in this moment. We`re in this together.



Saturday, April 4, 2015

6 Things Peaceful People Know & Do



In our consumer driven world, the bottom line is far more important to most people than anything else; profit over passion, fortune over family, money over meaningful relationships.

There are so many ways this world drives us in the wrong direction, one of the most powerful being in convincing us of how powerless we are, and causing us to believe deeply that we can not heal ourselves, or rise above our baser instincts on our own.

A person with depression or PTSD is put into therapy, where they are told they will require weekly sessions in order to try to rise above the sadness, fear, confusion and isolation they are dealing with. We are basically conditioned from childhood to believe that change is hard, takes a long time, and happiness is something we have to work very hard to achieve. Yet talking about the past, our problems, our fears and limitations and sorrow only keeps us locked within them. I have depression, panic disorder and PTSD, and for many years I too believed I needed to keep "talking it out" in order to be "free" from my pain. This only kept me locked in the past, in the pain, abuse, struggle and turmoil. It was when I took a journey of self-aware exploration of my Spirit, and truth, that I was liberated from that never-ending cycle of confusion.

We do not need to dwell in the past to escape it; this is just another fallacy we are fed in order to become complacent, which makes humanity easier to lead. The powers that be prefer us sad, lonely, and addicted to quick fixes that are profitable to the corporate giants out there.

It is possible to obviate all of the quick fixes however, and the therapy sessions, and the years and years of trying to be a happier healthier person...

There is only one requirement of you to achieve total happiness, peace, contentment, acceptance, forgiveness, and serenity in this moment; you must believe it is possible. If you doubt your own ability to reach greater levels of self-awareness, objectivity, observational clarity, then you will remain a victim of societal constructs and limitations.

And the basis for any Spiritual Awakening is realizing that truth does not come from anywhere outside of ourselves; we are a microcosmic representation of the macrocosm of God/Universe/Creator/All/Oneness. As such, we do have the power within us to change everything, in an instant!

Here are 6 things you can do to shed the yoke of illusion and claim your sovereignty & Peace!


    1. Know you don't have to keep trying. To try is to exert a force against something which doesn't yet exist. Trying is reaching, crawling, clawing, and denotes an incredible effort. This isn't necessary, as you can simply DO. You do not have to try to be happy - simply be happy. You don't have to try to be present and grounded - be present and grounded. The notion that everything worth feeling and being is hard work is faulty logic; peace is present within each breath you take, in each moment, and simply requires you to change your present way of thinking. How long does it take you to change your mind? A dear family member said to me last night "I need to get closure", to which I responded "you have it - stop trying to "get" it..." Closure is a concept, one we think we need to work at to achieve, when the truth is we simply need to "close" that chapter. So close it! Stop trying to be happy - be happy.
    2. Be ever present in this moment. The happiest and most aware people know that the only truth to live in is in this moment right now! The past is gone, there is no bringing it back, and no amount of dwelling in it will change that. In fact, the more time you spend in the past, the unhappier you will be, simply because it's robbing you of this moment right now. The future is a vast blank canvas which is painted by the actions, thoughts, words, and feelings you are having right now. If you are busy dwelling in the past, or worrying about the future, you are being robbed of what's happening in the present, and the canvas of your future will be muddled by confused notions of "then" and "when" instead of this gift called the present. 
    3. Have faith in yourself - you have everything you need within you already to be peaceful, present, and joyful. Nobody needs to go to workshops, seminars, therapy sessions, gurus, readers, or psychics in order to be happy! I'm a reader, and lead workshops and lessons, and this is done to assist and augment what you are experiencing, but it is not done to give you anything you don't already have within you. You were born perfect, no matter what your body looks like, or your psychological condition; you are a reflection of the universes infinite nature, and the only thing that stands between you and peace is your mind. In each moment there is a peaceful potential within you; quiet your mind and feel that. Know that you are strong enough, good enough, smart enough; you are enough. There will always be challenges in life, people will let you down, circumstances will bring crisis and chaos into your life, and yet how you react determines how you feel. Don't be robbed of your joy by external experiences, people, circumstances; know you have everything you need to persevere, so meet each new challenge with faith, calm, and then let them go when they are done.
    4. See the Illusion in the world around you. Our world is a result of the actions of those who came before us; society is built upon many illusions, ranging from politics, military, pharmaceutical corporations, commerce, technology etc. Any slight change in the actions of our forefathers would have resulted in a difference in the way we live now. Who decided we needed presidents? Who decided we needed religion? Who decided we needed to work a 40 hour week, only deserve two weeks vacation a year, have to be married to have children, have to be straight, republican, educated etc in order to "fit in". The 'American Dream' is an illusion, and more and more people are realizing this right now. When you see our world as an illusion, you free yourself to create a new vision for yourself
    5. Choose positivity in each thought, moment, and experience. The way you think, feel, respond, react, and behave determines how you will feel in each new moment. If you are stuck in a pattern of negative thinking simply change your mind - choose positivity. The only "right" and "wrong" are in your perception. Some people were brought up to believe one thing is right, while others are taught to see that thing as wrong. It's part of the illusion in step 4 - and it isn't real unless you decide it is. The happiest spiritually evolved people know that each new experience in life, no matter if it is "negative" or "positive" is an opportunity to express joy, to overcome conditioning, and to learn and grow. When something challenging arises, instead of falling into fearful modes of thinking, simply realize that into each life a little rain must fall, and then move through it with faith, in the Universe, and in yourself, knowing that there is a lesson present which you don't have to understand! You can simply choose to believe that everything happens for a reason, that reason doesn't have to be black and white, and you can simply be at peace no matter what is happening around you or in your world.
    6. Know your words have power, then change the way you speak. We get stuck in patterns of thinking, which then affects how we speak. Our words have vibrational creative power, and when we get into the habit of speaking negatively, we draw negative experiences into our life. Watch your words, observe how you speak, then change it. Listen to the way you represent yourself to the world. If you observe a lot of negativity, simply and mindfully change the way you speak. Drop self-effacement, forced humility, or comic relief, and be an authentic and true person - speak the truth within you - if that truth is negative, then review the first five steps above, and then change the way you speak. Do not be limited by your statements; "I'm not a very good..." or "I hate it when..." or "I can't handle this..." are examples of constricted statements we make. Let your words ring with positivity, to build up yourself, and those around you. Remember - if you have nothing positive to say, don't say anything at all.
There will always be something to fear, to despise, to abhor; so long as there are human beings in the world, there will be evil in the world. And yet we do not need to be a part of it, nor do we need to be victims to drama, trauma, or strife. Learn to meditatively breathe; free your mind by oxygenating it! The more oxygen your brain cells receive, the more simplicity you will experience, as a brain which is oxygenated is free to fire its synapses in healthy patterns. 

Drop the struggle; it is unnecessary, and requires you to believe you are less than you are. You are free, in each and every moment, to choose a new thought, literally changing your mind. If your mind is bringing you pain, fear, anger, or resentment, then simply change it. It isn't difficult! If someone has hurt you, rather than holding that pain inside of yourself, forgive them (for your sake, forgiveness is not about the person you're forgiving, but rather about freeing yourself of the experience) and know that you don't have to understand their process as it is theirs. Your process no longer has to be about complicated patterns of healing and growth; the lies society tells us about what it takes to be a happy person are simply outmoded, outdated, and no longer applicable in our reality.

You are free to change your mind, each moment, of every day, and choose peace. And when you slip back into victim mode, simply change your mind again. And again and again. And soon you will find you don't need to try to change your mind, as it eventually becomes accustomed to choosing the highest thought, the most positive expressions of peace. In order to be at peace - practice being at peace, and eventually it won't require practice! And the best news is, it is so much easier to live a peaceful and happy life than it is to be miserable, fearful, pessimistic, and angry. It requires so much negative effort to live within the confines of the illusion - so step out of it and be free to be the purest joy and most simplistic version of yourself!

I wish you clarity, and the willingness to empower yourself in this moment!

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Why Honesty Is So Crucial & Vital



Somewhere in the last couple hundred years we've been conditioned into becoming people who tell lies, and withhold truths in order to be polite, or conventional, or acquiescent. It's become politically correct to tongue in cheek say sort of what we mean, but not exactly, in a rather passive aggressive way.

I'm not sure when exactly it began, I am only 43 years old at the time I write this, I don't know anything for certain before the 1970's, but I can guess based on the history books and articles I've read. I think the dumbing down of the truth began in revolutionary times, when gentlemen used their words to climb the social ladder, and ladies were ladylike, held their tongue, and gossiped only over the quilting bee.

I think this way we operate is so detrimental; to us as a society, families, groups, and individuals. When did it become out of vogue to just be honest? And since when does honesty have to be cruel? We don't have to live in an extreme reality of this vs that. We can be honest, real, and express our feelings while also being compassionate, patient, and generous of spirit.

Is there such a thing as a good lie?


I think there are some white lies that are kind, or well intended. If I ask my husband if "this dress makes me look fat" and he says yes, I'm going to likely have my feelings hurt. It's absurd for me to ask it, because I'm fat, and the dress has nothing to do with it! Yet I'm female, and I like to be reassured my husband finds me attractive, so he does what he's always done, and responds with some sweet line like "you're always beautiful to me" and I feel good and he breaths a sigh of relief and no one is hurt. If your friend asks if you like their haircut, depending on the kind of relationship you have, you may opt to be honest and say no, it's not the best. But chances are you may opt to be kind and give a non-committal "sure it's great". You may even follow that with a "i like it but i liked it before too". 

Sure, there are little lies we tell that are meant to help and not hurt. I don't think those are harmful in the long run.


Lies generally lead to more lies...


Like a snowball, when you a tell a lie, you find often times you have to tell other lies to support that first lie. Eventually you can end up spinning a yarn so ridiculous, and yet you're trapped in it, and lest you lose face or feel ashamed and lose credibility, you have to stick it out. Not a comfortable position to be in. I had a time in my childhood where i wove tall tales, around the age of 9 or 10, and after being caught in a couple lies by my dad, and suffering the consequences, I realized he was right; the truth was always better in the end. 

Kids tell lies to test the boundaries, and to avoid getting "caught"... but adults tell lies for many reasons, and while many of them are these white lies, that really aren't meant to harm, some lies are just dangerous. When spouses lie to one another, it displaces the equanimity in the relationship. When colleagues lie to one another, it shifts the balance in the work place. When friends lie to one another it dampens the light that surrounds that friendship.

Honesty requires great courage, and integrity.


You have to be willing to be brave, because sometimes telling the truth will be controversial, causing you to be regarded by others in an awkward way. 

As an example, one of my Reiki students emailed me the other day, and my heart nearly broke as she told me about how she'd been honest with her mother. She has been awakening most beautifully, and decided to follow her intuition and learn Reiki, in order to continue to deepen her relationship to her Self, and the Universe. She was so full of joy and peace, and knew telling her very Catholic mother would be a gamble. And yet, she was courageous, and told her mother about her spiritual journey, how she feels now that she's exploring a profound relationship with her spiritual bodies, soul, guardians, and the Universe. She shared with her mom just how beautiful her visions are, how intensely loved and supported she feels within the fabric of Gods love. And her mother devastated her, by clinging to a very rigid dogmatic religious viewpoint, and rather than truly hear her daughter, she heard only that her daughter was turning her back on Christ and the church. And this isn't at all what my student and friend is doing! Yet her mother heard her words, and assumed the worst, and then called her daughter horrendous names, and made very harmful accusations, indeed condemning her own flesh and blood child to an eternity in hell.

Now you may be wondering "Dee, how is this an example of how being courageous in honesty is good?" and I admit, it sounds pretty detrimental. And yet I am so proud of my friend, as she stood up for her own beliefs, passions, and desires, and boldly shared with her mother how she feels, and what she is doing in her own spiritual life. And I believe given time, her mother may come to see that her daughter is not turning her back on Christ, but rather getting to know Christ's Father in a deeper, and more intimate way. She may not be doing it through the church, yet she is doing it through her every thought, her fervent desires and prayers, her blessings, and her wide open heart and positive thoughts!

If her mother one day sees that her daughter isn't in danger, that her soul is safe, then perhaps her mind and heart will open. And if not, and the relationship suffers for the rest of their lives, then it is a complete shame, and yet at least my client will know that she stood strong in her convictions, and did not cower in the face of judgment or shame. My friend is free, knowing she can be herself, no matter what others think; she is liberating herself and allowing herself to be authentic. While she is hurting at this time over her mothers reaction, in time as the pain ebbs, she will realize just how powerful a gift she's given herself. 

Honesty is good for the soul, as the old adage goes, and I believe this to be absolutely true. Though I dabbled in lies as a young girl, in my adult hood I cannot lie. It is not possible, my face turns bright red, I feel anxious, and it is just such an uncomfortable experience for me that I don't do it. I am an open book, and those who know me well know this. I attempt to be honest, and at times have likely been "too" honest, and so I personally work at being more gentle in my honesty. Yet I'd love to see a world where people felt safe being truthful. And the only way that will happen is if we allow others to be truthful, and not treat them like pariahs for it.

I challenge you to be more honest, in your every waking moment. Honesty is what got my marriage through the rockiest of times, and brought my husband and I out the other side not only stronger, but with a deeper respect for one another, and a greater understanding of each other. 

The tools for living an honest life are simple:


  • Think before you speak, at all times. Weight your words, and responses, before delivering them.
  • The golden rule is paramount! Do and SAY unto others, as you wish they would do and say to you.
  • Know that with-holding the truth, or omitting it, is as good as a lie. 
  • Never even imagine that a lie is less trouble than the truth; it never is.
  • If you feel a lie is the only answer, it's time to seek another opinion. Talk to a friend, peer, or pray.
  • Seek simplicity, knowing that honesty is the simplest way to live. One never needs to cover their tracks when telling the truth.
Awakening is simply the process of taming the ego/persona, in order to be a truer representation of our Soul, the peace that runs deeply within each of us. The ego is insidious and it has it's counter part - the spiritual ego. Be sure that you are honest with yourself, as well as with others, as lies are like dust that cover up the truth making it harder to identify. Lying to yourself is as pointless as lying to anyone else; in fact it can be even more detrimental. And if you're working consciously at Awakening Spiritually, then honesty best be one of your main tenets!

Honesty may lead you to feel embarrassed, or vulnerable; it may cause you to feel awkward, and yet it will always be liberating in the end. Lies do not create, the deconstruct. 

Work at honesty, every day. Be compassionate, and exercise kindness always, let's not confuse honesty for tact, yet know that you do nobody any favors by lying about how you feel. If you're friends with someone on social networks, that you truly do not like, then why bother going on with the charade? If you politely chit chat with a coworker while you cut them up behind their back, how catty does that make you? And if you're with holding the truth from a loved one to get away with something, trust me, you're going to get caught eventually.

The truth always comes out.

I wish you honesty, integrity, and courage on your journey of Awakening. Always.


Saturday, February 21, 2015

Anger Is Not Real: Understanding Our Fears



Animals operate via instinct, and biology. Animals can show fear, they can demonstrate territoriality, protectiveness, possessiveness, hunger, desperation, and even madness in rare cases. Yet there is one thing animals do not demonstrate, something which humans demonstrate all too often, which isn't germane to who we truly are; Anger.

Anger is not a true emotion; it simply doesn't exist in and of itself, it is a man-made emotion which is generated at it's core and foundation by fear. Fear that is usually attached to a lack of control. Fear is the root of all anger, and until people are willing to deeply reflect and introspect upon their anger, they will never be able to truly overcome it.

And we need to overcome our anger on this planet, because it is driving us towards the brink of extinction.

There is a lot of anger in the world, anger which people are quick to demonstrate now in every day circumstances. It is frightening, which definitely creates more anger. And in this way, anger has become like a snowball, spreading more fear everywhere it goes, which in turn becomes more anger, and around we go.

You show me an angry person, and I'll show you their experiences, their childhood, their violations and mistreatments, and show you how their fear transformed into anger.

What makes you angry? Think about it for a moment. Be open minded, and for a moment think about something that simply pisses you off beyond reason. You know what grinds my gears? I get ticked off royally at snobbery, and elitism. Why? Now I could sit here and list off reasons to you, to try to justify my anger towards societies different treatment of people based on their income, but truly it would only be my ego trying to validate an emotion that serves no purpose. The real reason I get angry at snobbery is because I'm afraid of being judged as a bad person for being poor. It's fear that spurs my anger, plain and simple. I am afraid that the world may not take me seriously, or respect me, or understand me, or see value in me, because I do not have a lot of money.

Pretty silly, yes? No. We all do this my friend. While my example may not apply to you, you yourself exhibit anger over some thing, or behavior, or action, and at the core it is not anger that makes you feel this way; it is fear.

Fear is a vulnerable feeling and emotion; when we are afraid we fear being exposed, or being left open to be hurt or mistreated.We fear having no control, over the behaviors, feelings, and judgments of others. We share our fears with those we are closest with, yet don't go around broadcasting our fears, lest we be taken advantage of because of them. So instead of wearing our fear in public, we disguise it as anger, and righteousness, and eventually we begin to believe the disguise is a valid part of who we are. But it isn't - it is simply covering up the truth which is based on a very simple fear.

Every act of violence a person can perpetrate upon another living being, is motivated at some level by fear. Now you may automatically feel like NO DEE - you are WRONG here... But bear with me. For a moment.

Let me use some of the most heinous exhibitions of anger to draw an analogy. For starters, let's look at people who abuse children, or animals. You may not see them being motivated by fear, you may simply see a sick mofo who needs to be taught a lesson! You may feel outraged by their absolutely disgusting lack of morality, compassion or common sense. And yet I am sure if you looked more closely at the abuser, to their own childhood perhaps, or some life experience, you would find someone who was once abused themselves, and never learned to express their fears about it, and instead developed an angry disposition by which to protect themselves. In this way their anger is a byproduct of their own painful past. I am not justifying their angry behavior or abuse! Not by a long shot. I am simply trying to draw you to see this from a new perspective; their evil acts are not committed for the sake of being evil; they have let their fear transmute into something so horrendous and monstrous that they only know how to express themselves in ugly vile ways.

I was abused growing up, and yet I did not grow up to become an abuser myself. Why? Why didn't my fear transform itself into an anger that cripples my ability to treat others with compassion? I think the reason why is simple: the love within me is too strong to be overcome by fear or anger. I am no angel, I've done things I regret in my life, yet I've tried to learn from my mistakes, and my empathy makes it impossible for me to willingly do harm to anyone or anything else. My fear makes me vulnerable, yet I see within it a strength, so I am not afraid to be honest about my fears. I rather want to celebrate my fears, in the hopes that I will understand them enough to overcome them, and then share that with you so you too can better understand your own fears, in order to surpass them.

Another example in our society, all the crap going on in the middle east - terrorism, extreme religious zealots; you may just see a bunch of angry men using fear and murder as a way to control their reality. But I try to see a little deeper into this; seeing men who were once boys, children, who were raised in a society which does not value life in the way other cultures do. Boys who were indoctrinated into a fearful response to the western world, boys who were trained, and conditioned to meet their fear with violence in order to overcome their fear. I see boys who became violent murderous men simply because they had shitty role models. This war on terror? It's an absolute joke - terrorism will never cease to exist on earth until such a time as every parent on this planet endeavors to raise their children to LOVE instead of FEAR.

Love creates bridges, love uses commonality and compassion to create inclusion.


Fear creates walls, and uses our differences and chaos to create separation.


The next time you feel angry, about anything whatsoever, bit it huge or small, take a moment to explore where that anger you're feeling is coming from. Go deep - dare to go as deep as you humbly can. I'm quite sure you will find your anger is a byproduct of a fear that is so deep seeded within you, that you may not even be consciously aware of it. Yet through a conscious desire to become self-aware, you can and will become consciously aware of everything that "makes you tick", and this is what leads to revelation, liberation, and sovereignty.

You are not an angry person, and this isn't an angry world. You are a complex being who has been raised within the context of the culture and society around you, who has been taught what to think and believe by people who have no better idea about life than their forefathers before them. This world is a complex collective of billions of individual thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes, and yearnings. When you see people exhibiting anger, rather than think about how different they are from you, look instead into the core of them to see how similar you are. For no matter how outwardly evil, vile, or different you may perceive them to be, at the core they are a person who was once a child, who was raised differently than you, who lacks a level of self-awareness that enables them to operate out of love rather than fear.

We were all born in much the same way - we lived within warmth and security for 9 months, then arrived into this 3 dimensional world of density, form, and matter with no ability to communicate ourselves. We spent the first year of our life using crying, and grunts and small sounds to communicate our needs. It wasn't until we began to learn and comprehend language that we began to understand fear, and anger.

Fear and anger are taught, and learned, and are in no way indicative of who we are as biological beings on this planet. Anger is not a part of our biology, instinct, or genetic makeup. It is a byproduct of fear, and all fears can be overcome and transcended through self-awareness, and a willingness to open ones mind to see beyond the small confining space we are trained to occupy.

I challenge you to view anger in this way now, moving out into the world and observing anger as it happens around you. Witness the anger in others, through their words, their actions and behaviors, and then allow your empathy to envision what has led this person to use anger as a means to protect themselves from what they fear.

Explore the fears within you - by exploring the things that make you angry. Go deep, see where your anger begins - because this is where your fear stagnated to become an obstacle within you. I assure you, when you are able to see your emotions in this clear way, you will be able to overcome the things you fear in a liberating and eye opening way.

Choose Love - it is truly the only emotional motivator that matters.





Sunday, January 25, 2015

Peace IS Within You


We are creatures of habit and conformity by nature; often we are willing to take someone else's word for the truth over investigating and seeking our own perception first. It is easy to allow others to create reality, so that we must only be responsible for conforming to it.

Yet this is part of the illusion which mankind lives within; we are on the planet of Free Will and Polarity. As souls we have come here to experiment with matter, three dimensional causality, denseness and the concepts and realities of this vs that. It is here on Earth that we can encounter all flavors of duality, good and bad, happy and sad, up and down, sick and well. And we are free to explore these counter parts to our hearts delight... or our fears peril.

Through the ages we have slowly made movements towards fear, and balled up within our sense of isolation in the skin and begun to feel removed of Spirit, and of God. So we created religions by which we could put God away and upwards of ourselves, detached, removed, and fearful. We so fully forgot our very nature as Gods most animate aspects of Universal light and vibration, that we actually have convinced ourselves and much of our planet to be afraid of God, or doubt God exists, or worship a God that is so like we are in his judgment, violence, instability and irrationality.  We have created God in our own image and likeness, and yet we project our greatest fears on to him. Just look to the events in the world at this time, to see the truth of this.

But the Greater truth? It lives within you. And reading these words is meant to remind you of what is true and real and transcendent within you.

Enlightenment isn't the end of a journey, it is a state of awareness, which is infinite, and ongoing, and we strive for it eternally whether we realize it or not. It is encoded into our DNA, to seek, better the self, improve ones standing, reach higher. It is part of our human condition, and our souls condition as well; to raise ones sense of personal awareness to achieve a state of not dominion, or power, but grace over all surroundings. You can seek enlightenment in virtually any venue you can conceive of it, and I guarantee you, it is available to you everywhere, at every time. The greater your struggle, the closer to hand your enlightenment is. The harder your circumstances, the lower you feel or fall, the worse life seems to be, these are the moments where you are closer to your own self-aware salvation than you could know. It is in moments of adversity, when the pendulum of duality pivots on the negative, that we are capable of great things.

You know this, it is apparent in the entire world around you, every time there is a mass event or act of tyranny or cataclysm or upheaval, people band together in brotherhood, compassion, generosity and strength. This is because we are truly closer to who we are when we are pressed against the rail. And yet we are still running under the condition in which we are lesser than, not worthy of, removed from Gods Glory and Divinity.

And the truth of the matter is none of us are less than, or not worthy of, or removed of Gods greatness. I'm not talking about a god that lives in the minds of fearful men, casting doubt, making rules, setting limitations upon his deliverance. I am talking about the creative energy of the whole Universe which has created all life, and is available in each particle of space and time and matter and non-matter which IS in existence. The Creator, or Source of all things, which we are made of, and therefore which we are a part of.

And yet I do not want to get sidetracked, for I'm not posting to talk about God at this time; what I want to talk about is your relationship to the God energy, and how it affects you, and how you affect your reality as a result.

When you close your eyes, and breathe deeply, and feel the calm slip into your limbs and torso, and feel the soothing waves of peace vibrate within you, you will find the Source of all things flows within you, makes up your matter and your biology, and courses through your veins. As you focus on nothing more than love and gratitude, so that these feelings are rolling off of you in waves, you will be able to feel the rebound of those waves of love and gratitude, and this is the Source, God, returning to you what is truly yours at all times - Love and gratitude - the essence of true peace.

Instead of praying to some outside or external source, try to seek the source within yourself, and be patient, and yet faithful. Know that what you seek is real and valid and needs no certification or seal of approval from someone else. Know when you breathe deeply feeling love and abundant joyful gratitude, and it returns to you in waves that undulate down your body, that you are in communion with God, the Universe, all of creation.

There is never anything to fear, no matter how much your human responses urge you to at times. Part of the intrinsic nature of duality is to learn to understand our own biology, in order to truly comprehend what is and what is not. Anything that elicits the fear response in you is not real in the grandest scheme of things. Fear is a feeling that our body enhances with hormones and chemicals, and when these biological sensors go into overload we can get lost in negativity. And yet, you can be mindful, and self-aware, and remember to breathe, and when a crisis arises, or something scary happens, you can remind yourself that nothing will be accomplished by getting washed away in images or feelings of fear, high drama, ego, or over-reaction. There will always be things in our lives which will challenge us, hurt us, push our limits, and yet this isn't a punishment, or a test even; it is simply the game board on which we are choosing to play right now. In the impermanent word of physical duality, nothing lasts for ever, everything is relative to how we are feeling and perceiving, and the only thing that truly matters is how you choose to respond, feel, think, and behave in any given moment.

When you know this, understand it, accept it as truth, then you relinquish your need to feel victimized by any one, or any thing. Ever.

You have within you the seeds of creation, the love of the ages, the vibrant buoyant nature of your energetic self, and the ability to grow, learn, evolve and rise up again and again. The only being in creation that can thwart your happiness, security, faith, or resolve... is you.

So get up out of your own way my friend. Smile. Exhale. Then inhale again, deeply. Always - breathing deeply, oxygenating your brain, allowing yourself to clearly think, observe, understand, and perceive. In this mind-state, you will know that no matter what comes your way, you have at some level of reality and manifestation called it to you for an opportunity to overcome it, and you have the full backing of the Universe to do just that.

So, don't let others continue to draw out the game plan for you, step out of the box and into a place that has no room for labels, or need for categorization. You don't need to ascribe to an ism or ology in order to be at One with the source of all Life - there is no rule book, or place of worship outside of your own body, mind, spirit and sense of intuition and awareness. Every single thing you need to know, you already do - awaken it within you. It is there waiting for the command to blossom.

Breathe, let go... and receive Truth and Love.





Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Living Like Nature: Just A SAD Rant

I am on a different wavelength these days, as my SADS kicks into high gear, and I find myself feeling at odds within myself. The last few years have really kicked my ass emotionally, and physically, what with the two major back surgeries I had, the changes those made in my life physically and financially, the effort my family has had to make to stay strong, be creative, supportive... it's been rough on my husband and daughter, and it's been hellish on me.

I find myself questioning many things in my life these days, and it's not surprising as the Christmas holidays usually bring out the worst in me. I do not like the holidays, what they represent, how I see the entire North American continent begin to spend more money, try to keep up with societal pressures, in order to create some picturesque holiday to share on social media via pictures and anecdotes. It's exhausting to me, as I just don't share those beliefs, ideals, or desires. I don't want to live in a world where we are all sinners supplecating ourselves to a higher power who judges us based on how like Him we are trying to be. And I don't want this post to come off as an insult to Christianity, god knows I am in no place to judge anyone. I like the idea of Jesus, he seems like the most loving and compassionate being this planet has ever known, and I would love to be like him, and see others being like him. But it's not who we are; people are just downright selfish in my estimation. It's human nature to be selfish, and I say this with complete honesty and as much humility as I can muster at 5:45am. We have survival instincts which drive us forward, and in order to survive we must navigate society in the "right" ways, in order to avoid alienation, disconnection, isolation etc.

But I think to the animal kingdom, and my heart aches, because I see very clearly in my own understanding where humanity went "wrong" so to speak along our own evolutionary path. If you can indulge me for a few moments, try to understand that I have utmost respect for nature, and as a basis of my spiritual beliefs, I think nature is the perfect mirror to creation or God as we can possibly get while living in a 3 dimensional reality. Nature doesn't try, nature simply is. And this is how we could or should be too, were we not so busy trying to be everything else.

I love the animals on this planet, and relate very closely to bears. Bears are relatively isolated creatures, who are fierce mothers, and yet when not nurturing young, they are lone, and wild, and follow their own instincts to survive every day. They spend half the year sluggish during the winter months, then spend six months trying to find enough food to fatten up in order to hibernate again during the following winter months. As a result, Bears live very much in the now - in the moment. Each day, whether nurturing cubs or not, bears simply wander their habitat looking for sustenance. In between feeding they nap, play, cavort, explore. And this is natural for them, they do not try to store food they cannot eat immediately; they eat what they can and move on. They roam the lands, following migratory patterns of prey, and following deeply ingrained instincts while they follow their own biological need to mate, feed, birth, and rest.

Man was once like this too, hundreds of thousands of years ago. We dwelt in small clans, moving around following migratory patterns of our own prey, and each day we spent surviving. There was no need to collect more food than we could eat that day, kill animals for any reason other than to eat. We did not try to dominate the land, but rather we lived within the parameters of our own ability to survive reasonably on a day to day basis. We lived in unity with nature as a result.

Now, we have fridges and freezers full of food we don't need right away, have cupboards full of food that is so chemically treated to keep it lasting long that we subject ourselves to physical illnesses, diseases, simply because it's "easier" to have these foods than get what we need on a daily basis. Our lives revolve around having more; more food, more money, more clothes, more luxury items, more play things... it's tiring. I'm tired of this game of "more" we are playing.

In my kitchen there are foods that provide zero nutritional properties. And we eat them because they are easy to prepare. And then we wash our hair and bodies in chemically treated animal tested items in order to have shinier hair, whiter teeth. Civilized humans are all but consumed by fitting in, making life easy, and living the "dream", but to me it is a nightmare.

I day dream about nature, the trees, plants, mosses and fungus, and I think how beautiful it would be to have that kind of faith; the faith that makes it possible to bloom and grow despite effort or desires. Nature doesn't contemplate how to grow quicker, or bigger, or how to have more nutrients by which to do so. Nature just blooms, grows, withers, and dies. And the cycle goes round and round, and it's all so very...organic.

I guess that is where I am right now; desiring a more organic life. I am overweight, diseased, disabled, and distraught, depressed, and downright dejected. I have all the modern comforts a person could ask for, a nice home, two cars, lots of food, games, toys, shiny trinkets and keep sakes. And yet something is sorely lacking from my life, an internal faith, that goes beyond spirit, god, or universe... a faith in my own biological nature. I have lost my ability to trust my own process of growth, blooming and blossoming, withering and dying...

Does this make sense to you? I do not feel in sync with nature, by virtue of my own ridiculous need to understand my nature. Human beings are prone to thinking, which can be downright problematic at times. I think back to my youth, hours spent sunbathing at the beach, never wondering how the sun may damage my skin, and it didn't. I'd swim after eating, never worrying about cramps, and they never happened. I would sleep a couple hours, get up and have a full day of activity, and never once felt spent. And this is how we are when we are young; we just follow our biology and don't question it, and therefore it doesn't deplete. Yet we get older and these things fall to the wayside as we learn about drudgery. And drudgery becomes the new natural order of things, which is so completely unnatural really. But we do it; we all do it, we grow up, get older, expect less, and become complacent. And soon we're middle aged, contemplating the things we did wrong, the things we wish we'd done differently, and wondering if we can do anything right before our little snippet of time here on this planet is done?

My journey of spiritual awakening and self-awareness has brought me to many beautiful epiphanies and moments of sublime understanding. And yet, at the vantage point from which I observe my life now, I can see far more damage which I've done to myself as a result of trying to better understand myself in relation to life, the Universe, and god. In trying to be a better person, I lost all those beautiful youthful complexities which made me a vibrant source of energy. I spend more time contemplating my behavior, and how I affect my surroundings than is healthy, and hold myself to higher expectations that I do anyone else. Why? Why should I expect myself to be any more enlightened, kinder, gentler, or smarter than any other human being? Because I've spent so many years learning about human nature, I should somehow be less inclined to exhibit it?

I'm tired. Tired of trying to be the bigger person, the better person, tired of trying to do "right" all the time. I just want to be. But when I give myself permission to simply be who I am, it seems someones toes get stepped on.

And it just brings me back to bears *gentle smile*. Bears don't worry about anyone, or anything, other than the simple moment they are living in. Just like every other living creature in the animal kingdom; the current moment is the only reality. Why have we as human beings tried to extricate ourselves from that very natural state of being, and spent lifetimes acquiring things, by which to feel secure by? Security is an illusion, one which the modern world is quickly waking up to, and people are beginning to really understand that freedom is something we do not truly afford one another, as we are all so busy trying to get our piece of the proverbial pie.

I know, this is a very cynical outlook, and yet I don't see it as simply as that; it is a natural outlook, nature isn't all warm and fluffy, in order to survive, other creatures must die, prey needs to feed predator, and that is the simplest fact of nature that there is. There is no matter of fairness in nature, in order to live, creatures must kill, and they don't waste time worrying about the inequity of it. They do what their biology urges them to do, just as they have for millions of years.

Yet I make a trip to the freezer for an ice cream bar and struggle with a two hour session of guilt over my inability to control my insatiable desire for junk food.

*sigh*

If you're still following me, I applaud you. This rant may indeed serve no point other than to allow me to vent my own frustration at myself, for being a human creature of insurmountable inconsistency and hypocrisy.

I sit on my recliner couch, using my laptop while my big screen tv is on mute, in my big comfy apartment, full of nice things, and feel myself brimming with unhappiness, which is just so childish really, and yet I can't get past the blues I feel, because a part of me is just so damned dissatisfied with who I am. Who I am is a human being, one who has spent a better part of a lifetime trying to be a "good" human being. And yet, at almost 43 years of age, I am no better at this than I ever was.

So I will keep looking to the animal kingdom for guidance. Until such a time as I can try to just accept myself as I am, I will maybe try to be more like a mother bear, and worry less about how I am affecting my surroundings, and just muddle on, day to day, need by need, hunger by hunger. Any less time spent contemplating my self, my thoughts, my motivation could surely be spent doing something more productive, like napping.



Monday, December 1, 2014

Do NOT Accept or Tolerate: RACISM


When my family tuned into the news a week ago, and watched the rioting begin to escalate in Ferguson Missouri, we were awe struck at the sheer audacity of the entire situation. The verdict was given during the day, and yet for some unknown reason the powers that be opted to wait to announce that Michael Browns murderer would walk free of all charges at 9pm at night EST.

Two days before the verdict was given, the armed forces were called in, and a full riot squad stood outside the courthouse for upwards of 48 hours in anticipation.

Why? Have you stopped to ask yourself this? The authorities, state, military and police all knew the threat of emotional reaction, and further rioting were a reality should Officer Darren Wilson not be indicted on charges of murder. They were aware enough to have the national guard standing guard, aware enough to have riot gear, tanks, tear gas, and dozens of officers at the ready. And yet, for whatever preposterous reason, the verdict was not given until the sun had set on Ferguson. Had they announced it earlier that day, or waited until the following morning, it may have been much easier to quell riots by the light of day. It was as if the authorities were preparing for a full out riot, willingly, if not encouraging it outright.

If that was the case, why? The only answer one can possibly surmise is that any bad press against the black residents of Ferguson would serve to take the focus off of the verdict itself, and place the worlds focus on the very people mourning the death of the 18 year old man, instead of the outrageous reality that his killer was walking free.

I watched as the atmosphere on social media began to get very stormy, and was disgusted at the sheer number of racist tweets being broadcast as a result. I have always known racism is alive and well in North America, but it didn't fully hit me until I saw just how disgustingly ignorant people can be when it comes to skin color. Many of these people asked twitter "why do you people have to make it about race?" when the reality is the entire incident was entirely about race. Had Michael Brown been a Caucasian man, would he still be alive? We have no way to truly know, but there is enough speculation worldwide based on real numerical statistics coming out of Ferguson, Missouri, and the United States, to indicate that when faced with shooting a suspect or criminal, police are much more inclined to shoot first, and ask questions later when the perpetrator is a black male. Of course it was about race, as the black community in Ferguson became outraged at the unnecessary death of a young 18 year old man over a liquor store theft.

Further shocking to me, was the amount of tweets coming from twitter, indeed still being circulated, stating that "you commit a crime, you deserve to get shot". Again, had the perpetrator been a white male I don't think those people would be as quick to condemn.

It galls to know that in 2014 racism is not only still thriving in North America, but that it is still denied, lied about, and taught to our young. Political correctness is the worse thing we have undertaken as a civilized society globally, teaching us to turn our insults into veiled tongue in cheek jibes. As long as you word something the right way, all bets are off. We are taught to be "tolerant" or "accepting" and that truly pisses me off in ways I cannot describe and maintain any modicum of decor. If we don't trust or like someone because their skin is brown, and brown people are historically prone to violence, or drugs, or gang activity, or terrorism, or WHATEVER - then we must learn to accept them and tolerate them?

Give me a break!


I am very much against social tolerance and acceptance, it is an insidious lie, perpetrated by politicians, who know how to say all the wrong things in all the right ways. Since when do we let politicians dictate our moral compass, or expound upon the proper way to communicate? Politicians are by and large paid to be very savvy liars. Politicians have made billions off of the campaigning between Republicans and Democrats in the USA, and there is no middle ground anymore. You have a country of hundreds of millions of people who are either left, or right, and nary the twain shall agree or meet. It is disgusting - entire beliefs, ideals, morals, and behaviors are split down the middle, until neighbors no longer get along due to political differences.

When did live and let live become a part of our historical rear window view?

I do not tolerate black people. I do not accept Iraqi's. I will never TRY to accept or tolerate anyone. Who the hell am I to look down on someone, anyone, in the long run? I do try to walk a mile, use my empathy, and understand people who are different from me. Those differences are not skin deep, and are very much based on behavior and attitude. If you are cruel, bigoted, violent, or crass chances are I'm not going to trust you very much. I may even "write you off" if you're in the extreme. However I will most certainly try to see you in a bigger way, remembering you are someones child, someones love, someones parent, someones friend. Your skin color doesn't mean anything to me. And it shouldn't to anyone else.

I'm sick to death of racism, and racists. I know quite a few racist people, all of them are white. All of them have no higher than a high school education. All of them tend to be closed minded, if not somewhat selfish, lacking in culture or class, and for the most part, they are ignorant by nature. This isn't to say they aren't nice people. Some of them are my friends. But they know if they are going to make racist comments within my earshot they are going to have to back those comments up with facts, statistics, knowledge. None of them ever can. It usually boils down to "i used to live _____ and there were so many _____ there and all they ever did was ______."

Generalized bullshit based on smallworld experiences that equal nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I urge, encourage, and challenge you to stop accepting or tolerating other people. It is the most detrimental thing we can learn, or teach our children. I don't want you to be tolerant of black people, Muslims, homosexuals, transgenders, Catholics, Atheists, Mentally challenged people... etc etc etc. Do not be tolerant of people who are different than you; do not be accepting of them. Be HUMAN WITH them. Because there is NO difference between you, and any other single solitary human being on this planet.

We are all born the same way, we all have parents, family, we all go to school and are indoctrinated by our culture to become the people we become. We are taught to value this, and reject that, we are expected to live in accordance with the society and culture we are born into. And whether that culture is Islamic, or gangs, or religious cults, or wealthy snobby country club members, or tropical islanders... we are all people. We all love, and are loved, we all have our own personal challenges, skeletons in our closets, bad habits, fears, and insecurities.

And if you're judging anyone else based on your view of how they live, I suggest you take a good long hard look in the mirror, because you must have been raised by some very ignorant people, and you'll want to get a little mind expanding knowledge into your life, lest you become just another played out stereotype.

No, do not accept or tolerate anyone, acceptance is best used to deal with life experiences. I am overweight, it is an insecurity, yet I accept myself as I am. THAT is what acceptance is for - to learn to live with something that otherwise brings you down. Tolerance should only apply to things like food, drink; I don't tolerate wine very well, it gives me a headache. I have a low tolerance for ignorant people. I have a high pain tolerance.

The only way to break the cycle of racism in North America is to be honest and open about it. What is going on in Ferguson, and in other States as people protest the verdict, and the murder of Michael Brown is a huge step towards shining a light on a problem that is NOT GOING AWAY. It is only through making it very clear to every single person possible that racism is a problem, one that needs dealing with, that we will begin to actually teach people to stop being so closed minded, ignorant, foolish, judgmental, and ill mannered.

I applaud anyone peacefully protesting. I understand those who got violent, and the frustration and anger and fear that caused them to go to extremes. I cannot even imagine what it must be like to be a second class citizen. I was born white in Canada, my life hasn't had a lot of hardship or struggle. But I will openly and honestly say that yes - I see the struggle people of different races are undertaking, and whether you're Asian, Hispanic, Black, Indian... there are all these stupid political correct platitudes "my" people use to put you down, and make it seem cute. It's everywhere on tv, in the media, the stereotypes, the generalizations.

So I am making my stand, here and now. My line in the sand is drawn. I will not tolerate or accept your racism North America. I will stand up to it every time it rears it's ugly poorly educated head.

And I urge all free thinking Spiritualists to do the same. We cannot attain global unity until we do away with these harmful divides we have built up between ourselves. Those divides have become mile high walls. And it's time to knock them the @#^& down!