It's a subject we all grapple with in life, no matter if you are spiritual, religious, or an atheist; how do we simply disconnect from the drama all around us and just live in peaceful calm?
It seems like an insurmountable obstacle at first, and to be honest it does take time; lots of time, because people are easily swept away in the emotions of others around them, and human beings operate under a rather "gang mentality", we tend to get extremely embroiled by the events occurring around us and can find ourselves over reacting to any number of big, or small circumstances. But it is this over-reactionary type of behavior that robs one of peace, and magnifies problems making them more than they truly are.
The first step anyone will want to make when consciously deciding to be a peaceful person, is to assert to yourself that you have some very bad habits which need to be broken, and corrected. Negative thinking, and jumping to conclusions are indeed habits, and ones which only intensify if we let them. We weren't born with so many hot button opinions, or red flag issues that can "set us off", we develop these attitudes and mindsets as we grow, and watch and mimic others in our life behaving as they do. If you grew up with loud boisterous parents and family, chances are you're loud and boisterous yourself, and this isn't a bad thing, it's simply part of your "conditioning". So in deciding to make peace your touchstone, you have to commit to the idea that you have some behavioral and thinking habits which just don't reflect who you want to be. It isn't about feeling ashamed of who you are, or how you react to life's experiences, it is simply getting into the head-space of being self aware.
Make a list, as often writing these things down helps us better understand who we are, and on that list write down the attitudes and behaviors you feel you lack control or discipline over, which you would like to change. For me personally, my list has changed a lot through the years, as I continue to look more deeply at who I am, in comparison to who I'd like to be. My list would look something like:
- Let anxiety or fear determine how I feel about a situation before I have all the facts.
- Often let fear express itself as anger.
- Don't always listen intently to others, as I'm so eager to state my own feelings and thoughts.
My list would go on, and on and on, but let's cap it off there for starters. When you've written down your list of behaviors, and attitudes or bad habits you feel you want to change but struggle with, then commit it to memory, because this is where transformation truly begins.
What Would Love Do?
Whenever I'm faced with an issue or situation in which I feel my negative behaviors and reactions bubbling to the surface I find it imperative to stop and do a couple key things first:
- First and foremost I breathe - deeply - when you stop breathing you limit your brains ability to be the vital thinking and analysis machine it is.
- I then take a few moments while breathing deeply and ask myself "What would love do?"
Love simply radiates peace and calm, and it is easy to feel love while we are in a peaceful environment, yet when life throws a curve it is so easy to lose sight of Love, and get caught up in strong emotions. So as soon as something occurs which challenges your peace, like someone confronts you, or you are treated unjustly, or someone does something that just really ticks you off, rather than jumping into an emotional state of fight or flight, just breathe and try to imagine how the most loving of all beings would deal with the situation? You know how you would deal with it typically, by becoming embroiled in an emotional state of reaction. So the key is to do something different, to attempt to retrain your thoughts and responses to adversity or negativity. What would love do?
Love will always do what love always does; accept, create space for the other, understand, feel compassion, turn the other cheek (choose your "battles") and generally rise above the ego's need to be right, or satisfied by it's own cleverness. Love will always choose the higher moral road, and in this way, we know Love is right because of the feelings we have within us when we are being and doing as Love would be and do.
You know how it feels to get your panties in a wad, right? You feel your chest tighten, as your breathing accelerates, and your muscles clench, and your fists ball up; you feel your heart rate increase, as you begin to go into counter-attack mode. The responses your body gives you when you're in this reactionary state of being are all good indicators that you are not aligned with a higher state of being and thinking, because it is not healthy or natural to feel so tense, anxious, or eager for a confrontation.
But when you get into the mindset of being as Love would be, your breathing deepens, you relax your limbs and muscles, your stress washes off of you, and this is your body letting you know that you are on the "right path".
A dear friend of mine is a power house of energy; I call her a spitfire, she's very empathetic, and clairvoyant, and incredibly spiritually gifted. However she is sorely un-centered, and as a result she can get caught up in other peoples drama very easily, or rise to anger or sadness quickly, because she has no control over her inner peace. This is something she is working on, with a tonne of self-awareness, and a desire to be the Love she feels within her. I commend her for endeavoring to rise above her previous condition of emotional turbulence, as she knows that peace, center, and calm will not only serve her better, but also her family. This is a huge part of a spiritual awakening, because we live in a society and time in which people have very little control of their own emotions. It's difficult for an empath to operate in modern society as people are just out of emotional control, and can be dreadfully rude, boorish, and selfish by and large. So to dedicate ones-self to this level of self-aware behavior modification is a testament to the Spirit within you, and the journey you are consciously taking.
I don't know that any of us will ever master peace, or if that is possible while having a 3D existence in which we have to work, raise families, deal with every day problems and the complexities of life on planet Earth. But we can each of us take responsibility for our own emotional responses to life. Could you imagine a planet on which no one ever jumps to conclusions again? Where people gather the facts before becoming enraged, and polarized and sucked into drama, arguments, fights and judgment? How amazing that planet would be, where people could simply live and let live, truly.
Choosing peace, and to be as Love is, is a statement to the Universe as well; you are saying "I am dedicated to being a spiritually balanced being of Love, and know it does not serve me or anyone to let my emotions and fears run roughshod over my life."
So you've made your list, and have a general idea of what it is you'd like to work on improving about yourself, and your reactions to life's unexpected and yet all too plentiful challenges. You understand that you can either keep reacting the way you always have, which will rob you of peace, or you can rise above your petty ego, and childish fears and inadequacies, and strive to let Love be your true north. The next step is to live it - every day. In every way.
How Do You Maintain This Peaceful Outlook?
Affirmations, reminders, daily goals and an internal dialogue with yourself will help you change those bad habits into a new state of thinking, being, and doing. At first it will be something you need to remind yourself of, often. Getting into the practice of breathing immediately facing a challenge is a great first step, in those moments you are breathing you can assess the situation, and your own physical reaction to it, and then just take a step back, and observe the situation from a detached perspective. Remember to keep all things in perspective too, as while something can feel like a huge problem in the moment, hindsight often reveals that whatever had us up in arms was nothing more than a minor conflagration of emotions clashing, or a situation which wasn't as dire as we initially thought. In breathing, and giving yourself a few moments to take stock, and find a Loving and peaceful perspective from which to proceed, you give yourself an advantage; you literally rise above the situation so that you can be calm while dealing with whatever the crisis or problem is.
Soon you will find you need less affirmation, or daily goals, as your responses will naturally alter with practice, and repetition; eventually you will not be trying to be as Love, but you simply will be as Love.
So the next time someone cuts you off in traffic, or cuts in front of you at the checkout stand; the next time someone goes ape and starts a fight with you, or the phone rings with bad news, take some deep cleansing breaths, ask yourself "ok, how would Love handle this situation?" and then follow your hearts guidance.
There is truly no situation on this planet that needs you to fly off the handle and get all riled up. All you do accomplish by becoming embroiled in drama or emotional warfare is to add to your own stress, which is not good for the heart, and often end up feeling foolish afterwards after your temper has cooled off. So skip the theatrics, tell your ego it simply isn't in charge of your responses to life's adverse challenges anymore, and just remember to breathe. That is what Love would have you do.
In Great Love,
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