Miracles Happen - I Am Living Proof!

Twenty-Five years ago I had my first scoliosis surgery, and was fused from the middle of my spine to my mid-lumbar with titanium bars to correct a pretty impressive curve that was shaped like an "S". After that I had twelve uneventful years, with daily aches and pains and occasional trips to the local ER for pulls, tears and other painful episodes, but all in all I could not complain.

In 2000 after giving birth to my miracle child (she was born despite all the odds against my body) I began to suffer pain of a deeper degree on a daily basis. As the years went by this pain deepened until about five years ago I found walking all but impossible due to the pain and grinding in my lower back.

A year ago, on January 22, 2013 I had a spinal revision surgery to extend my rods down lower on my lumbar spine, as I'd worn away so much bone during years of bone on bone friction. And then last July I had another emergency revision, in which all hardware was removed and I was fused from my neck to my pelvis. Basically I have metal running the entire length of my spine, and both rods are screwed into my pelvic plates. 

After surgery last summer I was completely immobilized, and spent more time in hospital unable to move, walk, sit or stand. I was sent home in late August with daily nursing care, a hospital bed, and other personal aides for the bathroom and home. The road ahead was long, and punctuated by a lot of frightening question marks. 

Would I be able to walk again? Would I require further surgery? Was my mobility a thing of the past?

I fell into depression and during the fall of last year I found it difficult to keep my thoughts positive as I saw little to no progress. Some days I would weep from morning to night, as a feeling of futility settled upon me like a damp scratchy cloak. My husband and daughter were so supportive and loving, and without their patience I'm not sure I would have made it through the end of the year with my emotional well being in tact. 

Then as November gave way to December something miraculous happened, and for absolutely no reason at all, I began to grow stronger!

The last month and a half has been amazing in ways I cannot even express; I find myself walking without assistance, no walker, no cane, no limp and no pain that I cannot bear! All of a sudden my body has slipped into acceptance of it's new posture, and the debilitating pain that plagued me over the last few years has become simple aches and pains; which I surely am strong enough to handle. I'm a champion when it comes to aches and pains.

I did not pray or even wish for this; I was certain in my bleakest moments that the long descent into disability was under way, and I would never know physical strength again. I did not think positively or attempt to manifest good health, I did not dare hope for things that I knew surely were not in store for me. I turned my prayer and blessings outwards towards friends and family, and tried to come to terms with my inability to do the things I had once taken for granted. I attempted to graciously accept that my house would never gleam again, and that I would never put my own socks on again, and was learning to weather it with quiet resolve as I strived to reclaim any amount of dignity I could.

So as the last few weeks have gone by I've found myself wondering "how did this happen??" I did not pray for it, I did not dare. I did not expect or anticipate or even dream of it. I have become so accustomed to "bad news" regarding my health that I was adjusting my perception to accommodate it and try to find the blessings therein. I was truly beginning to find peace in the notion that the remainder of my days would be spent requiring assistance showering, washing up dishes, preparing a small meal...

But here I sit, fit and straight; my spine aligned as I have never known it, my hips even, my legs strong, the pain within my body minimal for the first time in half a decade. Why? Do I believe in miracles? Of course I do, but I have never thought myself worthy of one.

Worthy or not, I've received a miracle, and I am so beyond grateful and humbled and over-the-moon joyful that I cannot contain it! 

I do not understand why some people must suffer while others seem to thrive, nor do I know why some people toil while others experience ease and abundance. I have suffered and toiled for so long that the thought of ease or abundance makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable, as I wonder what the price will be for such blessings. And maybe there is no divine "reason" for my miracle, and my body simply decided it was time to get up, heal, and move forward. 

In any event, I will not take it for granted. I have spent so much time in the last decade abed, feeling exhausted by the litany of medications I have taken to deal with the pain of a crumbling spine. And I still have a long road ahead of me, as I attempt to use muscles which have lain dormant for years, and get my body up and moving again. But I am so eager, and happy to have the ability to push myself to tears, as sweat rolls off my forehead and I grunt with the effort of riding my exercise bike, or doing the stretches I have to do in order to regain any amount of flexibility.

What I wish to leave you with, through the sharing of my miracle, is the knowledge that the body is a brilliant machine that serves us so well without our even realizing it most of the time. The simple act of bending to pick up something from the floor, or rolling over in bed without taking five painful minutes doing it little by little... there is so much the body does that we do not consider until those things are no longer possible. 

When I woke up with my arms paralysed last January after a nerve injury during surgery, and spent three days without their use until the nerve began to heal, I learned to never take my arms for granted again. Do you know how frustrating it is to have an itchy nose and no way to scratch it?

The body is a temple; and the soul dwells within. Treat your body as you would treat your most prized possessions, with care, gentle maintenance, and gratitude. 

I was lucky to find a surgeon gifted enough to build me a new strong spine. I was blessed to find his colleague who has committed himself to my pain management and rehabilitation. I am in awe of the miracle I have received in the last six weeks, and whether I thank God or the Goddess, modern medicine, or my own body, I want the world to know that miracles really can and do happen.

Three months ago I could not walk without a rollator walker, and required help in and out of the shower. I could not reach the bottom shelf of the fridge or do up my bra. It took me upwards of 2-3 minutes to walk 20 feet down the hall to the bathroom, and I could not sit or stand without great effort and pain.

Today I stretched for 15 minutes, then rode my exercise bike for 20 minutes, and soon I will go do the dishes, have a shower, and straighten up my bedroom; because my body is able to.

I do believe in miracles. They happen every day.