Thursday, July 18, 2013

What If There Is No God? What if Love is God?



Having spent most of my life seeking enlightenment, awakening and awareness, it is more than ironic that I find myself writing this particular post. There is coming full circle, and then there is circling, shooting out into orbit and heading off in a direction you didn't previously know existed. You see, I always assumed that there was a greater meaning to life, and an omnipotent overseer of this Universe, who we often call God, and in those assumptions I hung up my hat and rested for well over three full decades. I questioned aspects of my beliefs as I bounced from Christianity to Wicca to New Age to Paganism, but I never for a moment imagined any track I was on was remotely "off".

But now, through the 20/20 clarity of hindsight I can see how all of those previous states of awareness have just led me towards my current state of perception, and it's shocking to realize how all of that spiritual seeking led me right into a neo-atheistic state of mind.

I'm not an atheist, I do believe there is some kind of creative energy in the Universe, but I don't for a moment spend any more time imagining that this energy is sentient or benevolent or spends any amount of it's time giving a crap about my piddly existence or problems.

When I ponder the history of humanity, in no real linear fashion, I can see nothing but a history of bloodshed and violence; when you examine the cause of our wars as a people the root of the problem always in every single case boils down to one issue: ideology. Every single conflict every single person has ever had on this planet has revolved around mine vs yours, whether it is property, resources, beliefs, or liberties. In every case of tyranny and oppression on our planet, which are far too great to number or list, the distinct similarity has been one side or faction attempting to strip the other side of something valuable and treasured. We look at this as a modern "civilized" society and think we've come so far, yet it's still happening every day all over this world. People are constantly arguing over who's beliefs are right, who's moral ideology is right, who's politics are right, who's ethnic rituals are right; we spend so much time hurting one another over our own perceived rightness, how can any of us truly believe we are a civilized species?

We drive cars, and wear suits, and live in houses, and contribute to an economy and have access if we're lucky to moderately effective health care, but does that make us civilized?

The history of this planet is proof enough to me that all of my previous spiritual seeking has led me to exactly where I want to be now; comfortably uncomfortable in my uncertainty and cynicism. When I think back to the mindless time and gestures I expended "believing" that everything happened for a reason, while going with the flow as life happened to me, I feel a sense of futility within me that urges me to get up and scream. Christianity taught me to turn the other cheek, while Wicca taught me to do no harm; Paganism taught me to value nature, while the new age movement taught me that we are all One. And in the end all of those lessons are utter hogwash to me, because if we all turn the other cheek, that is tantamount to apathy; nothing gets accomplished, tyranny trumps all as we're all turning the other cheek and allowing oppression to happen around and TO us. Do no harm? That's the most ambiguously hypocritical tenet any religious or spiritual sect can adhere to, we all do harm, constantly, and only those who deny it are lying to themselves. To truly do no harm one needs to start within, and we are a society that is constantly harming, ourselves and each other, through our words, our actions, our insecurities, our need for validation, our quest for the almighty dollar and piece of the pie. Paganism comes closest for me, as I do indeed revere nature, and yet to truly be in balance with nature I must embrace myself as a primal creature above all else; with baser desires and agendas which violate the teachings of all other belief systems. And then there is the new age movement, which honestly sickens me to death now. Do I believe we are all One? No, I honestly never did. While I can achieve a feeling of Oneness with life, and with myself, I have never truly felt at One with you, or any other human being. I don't want to, as I value my individuality and my experiences, and while I want to relate to you, and understand you, and feel compassion and forgiveness for you, I certainly do not want to meld into you or merge with your essence.

For me it's more comfortable to accept that all of these religious beliefs and spiritual compunctions are just man made; from the beginning of time man looked to the stars for answers, to help us understand our loneliness, our isolation, to help us feel secure in the darkness and within our own fears. We have been seeking validation from our first steps out of the bubbling ooze of evolution, and most of us are willing to give up our own unique spark of individuality to meld into a group of others in order to feel safe, included, valued, and validated. That is why people choose a church, and then spend so much time defending it as the "right" one to others who don't share their particular beliefs.

But can anyone truly be right, when the planet rotates to tunes sung thousands of years ago, and no one is really willing to question information for fear of being isolated in their blasphemy?

What makes more sense, a mystical God who lives in a magical heavenly place who gave us free will but will give us consequences if we don't follow his divine rules, or a universe in which life has taken root, and has grown, and evolved through the millenia?

If you really believe some mighty being who is better than you in every way created the Earth so he could impose his morality upon his children is in charge of this show, then I fear for us all. Sincerely.

No matter what you call it, religion, spirituality, theology, it's all just enslavement to me. The seeking can lead to liberation and sovereignty which is magical in itself, but when someone gets stuck along the journey and decides to settle for complacency and safety in a fantasy, then growth stops, freedom becomes an illusion, and individuality gives way to mob mentality belief systems.

If we could all just look at one another and nod and say "I don't have any of the answers, except that which I feel in my heart" then what a beautiful place this world could potentially become, for all of us. Perhaps we'd put our guns down, and stop feeling the need to police others behaviors, beliefs, and passions. If we could only just accept that life can be random, and chaotic at best, and that grasping at what we think are the answers only serve to mollify the deep truth within; humanity is a fearful empty lonely breed of life, and we do each other more harm than good with our various religious beliefs and factions.

In the end, no matter what you believe, or I believe, or anyone else believes, the truth remains that if indeed there were some omnipotent sentient being watching us from above, they would be sadly disappointed with how we have turned out.

I think if we put an end to all these ologies, and just focused on the truths in our hearts, maybe we would be worthy of our own self-inflicted need to feel redemption. We are capable of love, and great acts of compassion and generosity of spirit. We are a people who work better in groups, and stagnate when alone, we need each other. If we stopped imposing our own fear based morality upon each other maybe we could actually learn to get along and act like civilized beings.

The fact that we still debate things like abortion, gay marriage, and equality is indicative of our own fragile hold on what we believe. Because if we truly had faith in the beings we say we serve, like God, or Christ, or Buddha, or Allah, then we would live and let live, and embrace our brother and sister regardless of how different we perceived them to be.

But we don't, we choose to focus on how different we are, how wrong others are, how right we are... and if that continues then nothing will change on this planet, as nothing has changed for millenia. Sure, women can vote now (lucky us) and black people can choose a seat anywhere on the bus, and we have techno gadgets and have been into space, but are we really making any solid progress as a species? Are we any more cultivated than we were a few thousand years ago?

Politics has made passive aggressive assholes of this world through political correctness, and hyper-sensitivity has made even larger jackasses of us, as now everything you say can be construed as evil, hateful, or damnable by this group of people or that.

I'm tired of it. I just want to see people be the best of who they are, and stop hanging all their stuff on some mystical guy in the sky. Imagine how peaceful life would be on this planet if we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were alone; and that there is no god judging us or rewarding us. Imagine how empowering it would be to know that we were the creators of our own destiny, and that there was no karmic debt, or anything to transcend except our own fears.

I can no longer call myself spiritual. I read tarot, and yet how difficult to explain to my clients that what I'm doing is more psychological than spiritual now... I simply can't buy into the planetary need we all have within us to find validation at the hands of something or someone more divine or powerful than we are.

When I read tarot I tap into something powerful, vibrational, and natural. And I don't need or want to define it. I don't know if it's spiritual or scientific, and I don't care. I feel it, it is what it is, and it gives me a sense of clarity and compassion that I normally do not possess.

And the same can be said when I am just listening to my heart; when I take god out of the equation, and spirituality, and mysteries, and any inkling of something magical, the true magic emerges, and I see just how fantastic this species really could be if only we stopped trying to march to the same drummer, and were free to just be who we are deep within.

Each of us are unique, individual, and special. And when you stop trying to castigate yourself to some omnipotent being in the sky maybe you'll figure that out. And if you already have figured that out, then spread it, and don't be afraid to be different. Because the way we're doing things just isn't working out for us as a people, and the hatred and killing and tyranny needs to end. And it won't if we don't change the system from the inside out.

So instead of offering up empty prayer or false smiles, just be who you are, at the best of yourself, for the sake of yourself and others, without the desire to please some invisible man in the clouds.

Then you'll know what it feels like to be in control of your own happiness. And that's powerful.

No comments :

Post a Comment

Your feedback is always welcome; please be constructive