Sovereign Parenting

If you're a parent, you have probably run into countless people who are brimming over with parenting advice and tips. A lot of these tips are very useful, and can be added to your own intuitive sense of self as a parent. However, I'm sure you've run across people who offer up advice that just goes against all of your own personal senses. In these cases, I find a smile-and-nod reaction to be the most useful, as I want to be appreciative that others care enough to share advice, and yet I also don't wish to argue or validate their advice in any way. This is because I tend to find many people still holding to very rigid and old-school parenting values which go against my own set of ideals and philosophies. I think it is important, in this world where we are so guided by the media, and social expectations, to have a sense of sovereignty and independence when it comes to parenting.

When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter who is now 11 years old, I knew instantly she was going to be very special. She was a miracle child, defying the doctors and the odds, and was delivered perfect, beautiful, and whole. I have known all along that she is an extraordinary child, and am very aware that to those who don't know our family dynamic closely, we come across as extremely unconventional as a family. We are very unconventional in many ways, and tend to create our own solutions to parenting problems. Something I have encountered through the years is a resistance to my honest communication style with my child; I have found that mostly women do not understand or relate to just how honest I am with my daughter. I have been told "you aren't her friend, you shouldn't be so open" or "she's too young to be so aware of adult situations". This is in reference to finances, and personal matters, as I have always been honest with my child about how her father and I are faring financially; she's known when things have been tight, and she knows when things are more relaxed. She is also privy to our thoughts about the world, global news events, climate and geological occurrences. We do not treat her like a lesser individual; she is simply far too intelligent for us to talk down to, or "dumb down" our discussions.

As a result, she is an extremely bright, socially conscious young lady. She is aware of her personal global foot print, and she can be heard loudly expressing her protectiveness for the Earth, in regards to energy conservation, recycling, and other ecological movements which she is becoming passionate about. She is also in a gifted school program, sharing a class with other children of advanced scholastic achievement. I do believe much of this is due to the honesty we exhibit within our family, as much as it has to do with genetics.

We do not punish our child conventionally either. She was timed out in her toddler years and this was extremely effective, as she even at those tender ages could sit and understand as we explained to her why she was taking time to think about what she had done or said. She rarely made the same "mistake" twice and we feel blessed to this day to have a child who so easily listened and absorbed what we wanted her to know. Now, at this age, on the rare occasions she needs to be held accountable for her actions, we tend to deal with it in "family meetings". These conversations are deep, intimate and honest. We sit together as unit and talk from the heart, explaining from our individual perspectives, and reaching common understandings. As a result, we have a child who is not afraid to come to us with anything, and knows we value her opinion and perspective. She is aware that she is not just our child, but also a member of this family who will one day go off into the world to create her own adult life. She knows that we only wish to guide her, help her, and assist her as she grows up, and we have no desire to make her become someone she is not.

And that is the main key of our parenting style; we are privileged to raise this child, it is not a duty or a chore or a right - it is our pleasure, and one we do not take lightly.

When people tell me how I should punish my child when she expresses herself in a detrimental way, I hear them out, and thank them for the input, but I generally talk to my daughter about it rather than "try it out". The last time this happened she made me so proud, as I told her what some ladies had recommended I do to "punish" her after she forgot to bring home an expensive toy from school, and she said "wow they must have really BAD kids to be so harsh!" That made me laugh out loud :)

She's a crystal child; extremely intuitive, compassionate, sensitive, and also fiery and devotedly loyal. She is extremely intelligent and fair minded, and I consider it a high honor to be her mother. I do not wish to send her out into the world with my ideals or values, and though I do share my beliefs with her, she knows she is free to form her own as she gets older.

All we can hope for as we raise our children in this new age, is to lead by example, gift them with all they require to grow in a safe, balanced, and emotionally and intellectually stimulating environment. We can comfort them, and teach them that it is ok to express love, we can support them, and show them that there is a soft place for them to land when they "fall" in their life experiences. And we can throw away the manual that other people would try to write on our behalf, knowing that their hearts are in good places, yet they are not the parents of our children. Be thankful for the advice you receive, and yet know you do not need to do what isn't in your intuition or heart to do.

If someone asked me for parenting advice, I would only feel qualified to say "follow your heart, remember that this child will grow into an individual who will need to be prepared to face this dynamic world one day, with faith, courage, and compassion. Be the parent you wish you had yourself, growing up. And remember that parenting is your privilege, as your child is unique and one-of-a-kind... you have an extremely important role!"

I wish all parents self-aware patience, and all parents-to-be the blessed knowledge that these little bundles of joy will enhance your own life and experience beyond your expectations... know that you will learn far more from them than you can ever hope to teach them.